Unfortunate Me.

Good Evening.

I just deleted the post that I had started out. Simply because there isn't any possible way to accurately phase the amount of anger bubbling up in me at the moment. You remember reading the stories where the lead actress is trembling with rage, her fists aching to hit something, crude words waiting to be spilled from her lips. Yes, that happened to me about a few minutes ago. I did, unfortunately, let slip a few words that should never be said in front of my mother. And I think, I have chain imprints on my hands from squeezing my bag handles a little too tightly. I do wish I was back there, where all this rage started from. Because trust me, he would have to be rushed to the hospital if I had rethought about what I really wanted to do with him. To hell with the accusations of assault. He's a grown man, I'm only a child barely teetering on the edge of adulthood. But no, unfortunate for the sinister side of me, I didn't inflict any bodily harm upon him or any of his relatives. Mainly, the evil hawk that insists on trying to protect him. I am tempted to go up to her one day, or maybe slip a note to her because I'm sure when she sees me coming towards her, she'll run for the hills. Even if she was wearing six inch heels. It is quite disgusting how you can even think I'd think of seducing your husband when I'd much rather seduce a rock than even be in close proximity with your husband for more than thirty seconds. And I must admit, it is becoming increasingly true how the moment I'm in close proximity with him [note: proximity not contact] I feel like I need to get away from him before I lose my mind and actually venture on my murdering rampage. Even now, I can admit I'm still trembling slightly from the rage. I'm tempted to type to him to let him know what kind of a man I think he is and that he can do the very unoriginal flyers himself. It is indeed the almost adult part of me that is restraining the little girl from stabbing him at least a million times with a blunt knife.

After what happened tonight, I really am not in the mood for anything else. Even chocolate doesn't hold the lure it did for me this afternoon, anymore. Neither does food, or the television. Not even the online games I would be indulging during the weekends. I think I would be heading to bed, and then off for work tomorrow. Maybe I can work out my frustrations. I need to get a stationary bicycle. At least then, I have something at home to let out my frustrations upon. It seems even now, writing doesn't hold much lure for me anymore. I really need to start writing again. But definitely not when I'm in this constant state of depression and fake cheerfulness. Well, maybe I should not celebrate the big two zero this year and just let it slide by me. Maybe then, I'll be able to stay nineteen forever.

Take care, and I hope you weren't disappointed with this short and miserable post. I am, unfortunately, pretty annoyed at myself for not being able to write about anything else that has happened lately. Maybe tomorrow, or another day. May God bless you, I seemingly want to force myself to give up the faith.

Amanda Loves You Always (: