She's back!

Good Evening.

Wow. It's been a month. Well, slightly more than a month if you're keeping track of the number of days. And since my last post, another long list of things have happened. Not all were upsetting, I must say. Although, I think majority was, unfortunately. But I'll just skip through those and we'll dwell more on the happier events. After all, I've already given up the depressing path. Life's too short to be unhappy too often.

One good thing that has happened is that, I've started school! University. The day I thought would have never come. I made it, can you believe it? I always thought I was going to be too poor to actually be able to start University, but here I am now. And although I know it's going to be a tough three years ahead, I'm still happy for the moment. Because really, if you've got nothing to be happy about, life wouldn't be worth living. So, since the day I first started school, 2nd August, till today, 31st August, I must say that some of my views on school life has indeed changed. For one, it's not as easy as it looks. Yes, I know I've been telling almost everyone that it feels like a breeze and all I need to do is concentrate and I'll be able to do it but when the sun sets, and I think about my whole academic year, it is a little frightening. More than monsters in the dark. Unlike previous examinations, we've only got one test run, a few weeks in between and then, it's the real thing. I've actually started on some tutorials for certain units and I'm so afraid that when the exam comes, I'm not going to be able to do well. Simply because I have been out of commission for so long. Oh so long. A year and a half. No, I'm not going to let this get me down because, like Ms Yip used to say, it's all in the attitude. I'm going to struggle through, ask loads of stupid questions and torture myself with exam questions if it means that at the end of the day, I'm going to be able to do well in my final examination. And if you're caught in the crossfire, I apologize in advance.

Along with a new school comes new friends. And I think maybe, just maybe, this time it's going to be different. Yes, I'm going to try and be more understanding, tolerant and to maybe slightly more trusting. No one really can live on their own, and I'm definitely not going to be the first person to try and achieve it. What else can I say? The outings have been fun even though I have fallen into the trap of just, falling back into myself. But I got over it. Now, I just need to carry on and look forward. No more looking back, at least, not so soon.

I saw someone unexpected the other day. I couldn't believe how fast the memories came flooding back, the dreams, the conversations, the tears, everything. It's pretty amazing I didn't implode on the spot. It would've been a messy affair. Anyhow, I don't think I'm going to write it down here. I mean, who I saw. Although I can safely say something here, I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts just to look at you. It's been what? Almost a year since I last talked to you? Almost a year. I'm silently glad I decided to not wear my glasses that day. Still, I could remember how you looked and it hurt so much. I don't hear about you anymore, because I don't talk to anyone who knows you. I don't see you anymore, because I don't frequent the places you frequent. I don't think about you anymore, because I've buried you at the bottom of my heart. Why did you have to drag everything up just by appearing? Couldn't you have not come, like how you did every other week? I can't blame you, I never could blame you. I left because I didn't want to face the fact you never stood up for me. I left because I couldn't blame you for leaving me to fight my demons alone. I left becuse, because the little girl in me wanted you to acknowledge me. You never pushed, you never asked, you never questioned. I told you to drop it, and you did. A good friend? I don't think so, not really. Maybe I wanted you to not want to lose me, as a friend. But I left right? And I'm not going back again. I would've hurt in silence if you had protected me, even for a while. But you didn't, and so, I'll just carry on my life now, and maybe, if we do meet again in the future. Maybe.

Great, now that has totally destoryed my mood for blogging. Anyhow. This is going to be my last week at work. I'm elated, devestated, excited and just overall, a mixture of emotions. Most of the letters haven't been written, but I will get to them soon. I have to, without a doubt. Ok, my mood is seriously down the drain. And there's no one to help me pick it up again. Guess I gotta find my own way, this time. Well, thank you for dropping by. I promise, I will come back in only a few days time. At most, a week. I will make blogging a weekly routine and yes, I'm going back to my maximum one post per day. So you know, if I see anything interesting in school, I'll come and tell you all about it. So, sit tight and wait for more of fun, interesting events in the life of amanda! And since, Christmas is around the corner [only another three months away], I'm going to update my wishlist. So, get me what you will, it's all there! Till next time, take care, be good and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Amanda Loves You (: