Evening.
Yes, I'm suppose to be studying and I will. Soon. After this post, definitely. Seeing as how my conversation partner wouldn't be coming back online soon. It hurts how I trust so easily, only to be let down, again and again and again. Anyhow, let's not touch on that topic tonight. I can't get myself so upset that I can't study right? I have already put of studying for an entire week simply because I was busy doing cards and what not. It has indeed been a hectic one last week of work. Yes, I am not officially unemployed and considered a full time student. No, I'm not gonna stay a full time student for long. Maybe I will to the adults around me, but to those closer to me, you'll know I'm never going to be able to be a full time student. Not anymore anyway. Once again, let's steer away from the upsetting topics. Let's talk about the good stuff, shall we?
It's a little upsetting, yes, that I've finally left work. I really would've stayed on if the circumstances were different. I mean, if I was studying part time instead of full time. Nevertheless, I still don't think I'm cut out to hold a full time job while studying part time. It really is just too tiring for me, and I don't think I handle it very well. Considering my pocrastinting problem I have with studying. Hahas. Although I must say that I did leave with a bang. Hahas. It was a good day, on Friday, when I left. I didn't cry, which was a miracle in itself. There was no one else but Kemas in the office when I left at 8pm. Yes, 8pm. I had work I needed to finish before I left. But I did it happily, or as happy as anyone can be while doing work. Hahas. Anyhow, it was indeed a good day. I'm glad the clinics liked the cards I made for them. I admit, it might be a little insincere since I wrote their names on the cards as they were in the rosters hence if they had an english name, it wouldn't have been reflected on the card. Nevertheless, I'm still glad that they were happy for it. Especially Clinic J. Aside from that, I'm glad everyone else was happy with their cards. My hand really did cramp up the night before after writing ten cards at once, not to mention the fourteen clinics card I did. Hahas. Yes, it was a sight to behold. Amanda, sleeping at 3am [which meant I only got 3 hours of sleep waking up at 6am] just to finish cards and what not. My mother said it was unbelievable since I rarely stayed up to finish my homework, always leaving it to be done in school or have a full blown panic attack the next day. Hahas. Well, I've taken to this sleeping early rule. So that I can wake up early the next day. And not to mention, improve the damn skin on my face. Hahas. It's been working well so far, I've rarely slept after 12am. And I really should hurry up with this post so I can get some studying done and go to bed before 12 again tonight. Hahas. Well, before I stop with my talking about work. I'll just like to say a final thank you to everyone who has worked with me the past year. Been a friend. Been a mentor. Been a guide. Been a guardian. Been a colleague. Thank you all and it has been a wonderful journey. I do hope we keep in touch and meet up again! I will surely come back to visit you guys! And I promise, I'll get that oven and bake cookies for everyone!
You might've noticed that my last post was in a total different format. That is because I blogged from my phone. It was almost 12 and I didn't want to turn on my computer. Simply because if I did, I would have never got to bed even by 1am. Even if my eyes were already closed! I don't know what else to say about the previous post. Talk about regret. Talk about a missing friendship. Talk about him. I don't really know how much regret I feel over the choice I made. The choice to leave. Right now, at this point in time, with me sitting in front of the computer and typing. I feel like it's the right choice to have left. Because there was absolutely no reason whatsoever for me to have stayed. There was simply no incentive and my survival instinct kicked in, I could say. Which idiot would've really stayed just to be hacked down with words and looks without a single chance to breathe properly? And then. There is the point in time when I see you. You don't even look at me anymore, you know. And I wish I didn't leave. I wish I still had the right to run up to you and hit you just so you'd smile and pretend like it hurt. To ask you why you look sad. To ask you about your day. To ask you about your life. When I see you walking, I turn around and walk in the other direction just so I don't have to test my self control. Those times are when I am filled with the deepest feeling of regret. I regret walking away. I regret leaving. I regret not pushing you harder to be your friend. But there really is nothing I can do now right? All I can do is just watch you from a distance and hope you smile again.
My work is sitting patiently beside me, waiting for me to take notice of it. It is almost 11.11pm and my conversation partner hasn't returned. I don't think he will be coming back. But it's really ok through, he hasn't talked to me since he returned from iraq anyway. You would think that once you've given up on someone loving you, they wouldn't have the power to inflict anymore pain on your heart. Hahas. It still seems that whatever part of my heart I give away, is still connected one way or another to the actual thing. And it still hurts when you step on it. Ok, I'm not going to go into detail and try desperately not to cry. I'll let the tears out later, but now, I'm an independent girl who doesn't need a man (: Thanks for dropping by again! I will try to post every two days or so. I'm hoping I won't have the time, which means I'll be studying more. But I still do need some relaxation from life and everything, in general. Till next time, miss me.
Amanda Loves You, She Really Does.
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