Dinner & Dance

Good Morning.

It is officially Saturday because it has already past 12 midnight. Which brings my number of days of non blogging to two. Wow, the longest I've stayed away since the re opening of this blog. Anyhow, it has been a rather busy two days. No doubt it was a holiday on Thursday, which meant sleeping in late and waking up to do absolutely nothing and then lazing around the house. I managed to use all my time doing other things to be able to sit down to blog. Hahas. Surprising isn't it? Anyhow, I'll just vaguely recap what happened on Thursday and all because Friday night is actually what I want to talk about! So off we go, on this wonderful adventure of reliving my past two days!

Thursday was spent doing almost absolutely nothing. Hahas. I did wake up early, with the intention of gaming but decided my time would be more worthwhile to stay in bed and rest. Hehes. I woke up again at 1 when my dog, my darling I love ever so much, decided to bark non stop until I dragged myself out of my bed to open the room door for him. After having to open the door twice, I decided that it was time to get off my lazy ass and play some games. So I started gaming and then lunch. Ok, so now is the ever so boring part where I'm either just gaming or lazing around. Although in the mid afternoon, when mother came home from taxi driving, we went to get my hair trimmed for the next evening! x) The pretty hair dressing lady trimmed my hair and then straightened it for me (: After getting my hair trimmed it was home, movie "Shall We Dance?" which was awesome by the way, and then off to bed! All in anticipation for the next day to come.

And finally the day arrives for my first Dinner & Dance with the company I'm working at. The day was passed with anticipation and when it came to the time to start dressing up, I was totally freaked out and I didn't have any idea why! Anyhow, I got myself into the dress, passed my things to mummy and off I was to my first Dinner & Dance. It was pretty exciting and fun! The before dinner activities were extremely interesting and I got two gifts. One, from playing a game and another which was given by queuing up for the item. Well, it's almost 1am and my eyes are bloody tired so I'll post pictures up tomorrow. At around 7pm, the doors were opened and we were all seated. There was lots of laughs and jokes and talks between the table so it was all good fun (: The entertainment for the night wasn't really that interesting so it was pretty good that the conversations at the table were entertaining and interesting to keep me awake and in a better mood. And yes, I won something at the lucky draw. Hahas. No, it wasn't anything fancy or even the top ten prizes. It was actually the 91st prize and as of now, I have no idea what it is because I need to go collect it on Monday at the WorkLife Booth. Hahas. It's pretty funny when you think about it.

Ok, so I'm really sorry that I need to cut this short. Because my eyes are really tired and I think the excitement of the day is wearing out and every thing's catching up with me. But that was basically it. There were a lot of conversations and situations but I can't possibly type them all down because it would then be scandalous and wrong. Hahas. After the dinner mother picked me up and we came home. She's already in bed and I'm on my way in because my eyes are tired! Ok, I'm starting to get pissy. So yes, it's off to bed time for me. I've got a photo of me in the cheong sam and I look like I don't have a tummy. Hahas. I'll upload it tomorrow I promise! So, this is me disappearing from here. *poof*

Amanda Loves You (:

I don't understand me.

Good Morning.

This would probably be an extremely bleak post because that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Plus I don't have the energy to put up the pretence that I'm happy. I don't know why but this injured knee seems to be a wet blanket to everything I've been doing these few days. Well, for one, it has totally made me hate coming to work in the morning. Yes, I hate going to work. The job that I had loved only a week ago has become my most hated daily activity. I hate having to limp my way to the bus, up the bus, to the train station, up the train, off the train, through transit, up the train again, and the long trail to work. I hate it. Then I hate the small space that I have that they call a desk, and not enough space because I'm making more space for the SKINNY girl beside me to put her things. I thought I was being nice, but now, I am totally pissed off and annoyed. I hate having to put one leg up, while the other down because again, due to the foreamentioned lack of space I have at the office. I hate it. And just, I realized that I need to use the e-mail that I do not have access too on my computer. Now tell me, how pissed off and annoyed would you be? Because I bloody well am. I can't even believe I'm waiting for her to LEAVE before I can do anything on the computer. Because I have been chased off the computer once before. There isn't going to be another time I'm going to get chased off. Once bitten, Twice shy. Or whatever the proverb because I'm too darn lazy to go look it up and make sure that it's correct.

And yes, with regards to my heading. I don't understand me, not at all. I don't understand why I sometimes think that the world revolves around me or that people actually care about me when they obviously don't. Am I that blind to the things around me? I don't understand how blind one person can be, but apparently I am. Hahas. Well, I can't carry on this debate that I've had mentally over the past four years. Well, after shit started happening and all, but it could've been before then I really don't know. Well, Sasa is waiting for me. No, that's not her real name. Remember the no name rule? (: So yes, Sasa's on her way and I need to go for lunch. So I'll be back soon. Probably tomorrow because tonight I'm going to be gaming the whole night. Something to take my mind off reality. Ok, she's here. I'm off, see you!

Amanda Loves You. (:

How fragile life really is.

Good Evening.

This post is going to be short and sweet because it's late and I need to sleep soon. I so can not afford to be late for work again tomorrow. Well, I'm not blogging from work as you should be able to tell. Work was busy today. I actually learned more stuff, like helping the Mrs with the report that we are 'doing' together. It was pretty fun and tomorrow, I'll be using the most up to date computer to help her with more stuff! Helping someone sure has it's perks. Aside from being busy, I was also annoyed. Like really, really annoyed this morning that I had to go to work. Well, after being woken up by your dog at 4am who promptly went back to sleep the second you got out of bed to open the door for him. And waking up to an aching knee. I was pretty much annoyed. And the thing about work now, is not that I've lost my love for it. The thing is just that I detest sitting beside someone I really cannot stand. And no, I'm not equip or even capable of being civil because just looking at her makes me annoyed. If you think I sound like a bitch or whatever, stop reading and go fish. Anyway, I was pretty pissed on my way to work, and at work for a while till around just before lunch. That was when I found out mummy was buying lots of books for me from the Jumble Sale at the convent outside the church! Yes, I was totally happy because of that. Not only did she get a few books for me, she got thirty three books! Can you imagine the time I would need to read all those books! That is very much time well spent (: I am seriously thinking of having lunch alone with my book. Going to a quiet place, where there's sun and breeze and just have lunch and read my book. Hahas. But that's consideration for another day.

Nothing else happened today. My knee hurt even more. It's horrible, I know. I only hope it gets better before Friday. And I'm seriously contemplating on just wearing flats than forcing myself to go through the pain of walking in heels with this injured knee. But we'll see how it goes. I also wouldn't be able to get my hair done because Thursday is a public holiday and the lady that does my hair, doesn't come to work on public holidays even if the dresser is open. Well, too bad for me I guess. Got patched up again in the evening before I went home. Tomorrow's the time to change my dressing. I hope the Nurse in the office can help me with it. Because the last time I was left in the dressing room with another nurse, I looked like I had my whole knee cap scraped off. Hahas. We'll see how, but I really do hope the Nurse in the office could do my dressing for me again. It's ok if you think I'm vain, cause I know I am. xP

Mass was a painful event. So I shall skip that and jump to the funeral part. Life really is indeed fragile. Just before we arrived at the Taxi Uncle's Mother's funeral, God bless her soul, we saw these two police men running furiously, dashing across the road to run up this building. I'm not entirely sure why. At first we thought, we meaning Mama, mummy and myself, that it was the police chasing a robber. However, with mother's superb eye sight, she saw someone on the building trying to jump down. Or that's what she saw anyway. And it made me think that two policemen would dash across roads, even when traffic wasn't warned to stop, just to try and save one life. Life must really be precious huh? And then at Taxi Uncle's place. I personally do believe that when a person dies, we shouldn't mourn but rather rejoice that they've moved on to a better place. When my great grand mother died, I didn't cry until that one evening when I realized that I wasn't going to see her anymore. I was happy for her, at first anyway. That she was going somewhere else. Some place where she could walk freely. Where she could do anything she wanted, without worrying about her joints aching, or falling over or even tripping and injuring herself. Some place where she could be free, and not confined by the ailments of her body. And yet, at her funeral, I saw my grand aunts, grand father, grand mother, uncles, aunties and cousins alike crying painfully. And still, I couldn't see myself crying. Because inside, I was happy. Happy for her. Frankly speaking, I think all my cousins thought I was weird when I didn't cry by her bedside when she died or even at the funeral. But I was happy for her. Even if I knew I was going to miss her. Miss seeing her during the festive season, during Chinese New Year, Birthday celebrations, Christmas. But I did cry. I can only figure that it was when I finally realized that I really wasn't going to ever hear her voice or see her smile again. But the tears didn't last long, because I knew she was happy where she is. Because that's what the bible promises us. Eternal Life after death. Anyway, back to the Taxi Uncle. When we sat down to eat, I noticed that his hands were shaking. Well, basically his whole body was shaking ever so slightly that if you weren't looking closely, you probably wouldn't have noticed. And I realized that even as happy as we are for someone who has passed before us, there will always be sadness at a passing. How does one actually be happy and yet sad at the same time? I'm not sure. I used to think that when my grandmother passed away, I would be happy. Happy that I wouldn't have her nagging at me anymore or scolding me for no reason. But then there are days when I imagine her gone, and I feel tears spring to my eyes. And I'm not sure. I'm not sure if can be happy that she is somewhere where she is happy and peaceful, or sad that she is gone and that I'll never see her again.

This post, although not very well detailed out because I have a million thoughts running through my mind and not enough time or energy to catch them and put them properly, is dedicated to those who I know who have passed on. Even people who I didn't know very well, but meant something to people close to me. I hope you're in a happier place, one where you're free of the confines of your earthly body and earthly worries. And this post is also for those who've lost someone they loved or cherished. Death is a part of life, but being sad at their passing is inevitable. Missing them is undeniable. But treasure the ones you have now, so you have good memories to think back on rather than cry for losing the opportunity at making wonderful memories.

So on that last note, I'm out of here. It is getting later and I'm a little upset I can't sit here and type the whole night because I have work tomorrow. So if you've lost someone or know someone who has lost someone they love, just take five minutes from now to sit and think about them. And next time you're at a funeral of a friend's loved one, take time to sit with them. Because friendship is one of the best medicines life can give us.

~ To the soul, there is hardly anything more healing than friendship. ~

Thomas Moore

Amanda Loves You

First day on the job with an injured leg.

Good Afternoon.

I have just finished my lunch. Well, I have some more fishballs but I need to make them hot first, so I'll do that later (: Since no one is in the office, I'll take this opportunity to blog about yesterday and today. Well, today till now because I wouldn't know what is going to happen tonight. But I could try and predict for you what I'm going to do. Hahas. Anyway, yesterday first.

I finally caught my much awaited Gilmore Girls! Logan is still as hot as ever! Hehes. I watched to watch Veronica Mars as well, but I was talking to her and Monkey. After the show, I decided to game a little and my character on SoF gained two levels! Do I rock or what? Hehes. Well, before that, and before the talking, I didn't make it to church. Well, I woke up at 7.30am. We were not late. But I just laid in bed and looked at the ceiling. Trying desperately to ignore the pain in my knee and just thought about going to church. And then I realized that I didn't want to go to church. Mainly for the fact that I would see him, her and them. So I turned on my side and went back to sleep. I woke up again at 9am and found out that mama had sent the bread to church, and so I just hobbled back to bed and went to sleep. After all, I didn't have any more reason to go back to church did I? (: Well, then I woke up at around 11 and we waited till mama came home because last week, we had lunch first and she complained that we didn't wait for her. But alas, she came home full and we were hungry. So mummy went down to buy lunch for us. Rice for her, noodle for me (: After that, I started talking to her. You can get the full story if you just scroll up and start reading this paragraph again (:

Nothing much happened yesterday evening, aside from the fact that I went to bed in tears again. I don't know why, but I still can't figure out what's wrong with me. Not physically, not that I think so anyway. But maybe mentally or even socially. I really haven't known anyone who wasn't able to keep her friends. Well, the majority anyway. There was a topic we touched on when I was talking to her on Saturday night. My singing. Hahas. It's almost laughable, but I actually do like singing. Even if none of you have heard me sing before. I used to sing a lot when I was younger. Even if I was out of tune. In church, in the car, at home, almost anywhere I had music and didn't have people who were liable to stare at me. And how elated I was when we joined the choir to sing for the Confirming Batch before us. Well, before I joined the choir, I thought I had a reasonable nice voice. Some people did tell me that I had a nice voice, but that was over the phone so I don't know if it counts. Anyhow, I thought I had a reasonable good voice. And then I joined the choir and well, apparently I'm tone deaf. So yeah. I did, for a while anyway, stop singing in church. Stopped singing in the car. Or rather caught myself everytime I started to sing along. I only ever sang when I was alone. That was about it. Then after a while, I figured I shouldn't stop singing in church because it's church right? And then one day, while I was singing in church, this european/american guy turned around and said 'You have a nice voice.' And yes, I did blush and I was so happy. But then, something she said made me wonder if the guy was being scarstic. Hahas. I don't know. Maybe I think I have a reasonable good voice, but maybe it's a bias opinion since I'm judging myself. And actually in real life, my voice really sucks and anyone who hears it is bound to appreciate even a baby crying. It's almost like how I thought I was wronged, when maybe I wasn't wronged because the majority thought I wasn't wronged and actually rightly accused. Anyway, back to my singing. Sure mother says I've got a nice voice. But she's my mother. It's almost like how she says I look pretty when I know I'm not pretty. And how she says I'm not fat when I know I am fat. Hahas. So I don't know. Should I stop singing or just sing only in church where the choir can mask my voice and not sing anywhere else where I'm liable to harm anyone's ears? I don't know, I'm second guessing myself so much I'm actually getting a headache.

Anyway, this morning, woke up late. I'm guessing it was because I was up for at least an hour last night before I finally fell asleep. Anyway, hobbled my way to the toilet for my shower. Which I managed to get done without as much pain as I had anticipated. Hobbled my way back into the room to get dressed and then it was off to work! It was drizzling slightly so I took the bus down to Bishan instead of stopping at Ang Mo Kio. Train ride was pain-less and the ride to work via the shuttle bus was all right. It hurt when I was rushing for the bus, but it didn't hurt very much after that. Oh, my dressing has been changed and it's very ugly and very big. Sorry to the Staff Nurse that did it for me, but I much prefer the older dressng which was small and neat! Hahas. Ok, I'm evil I know but whatever xP My knee hurts more than it did before.

Oh yes, up to my changing of dressing, I came to work and the apples weren't here yet. No one bothered to call the company to ask them where the apples were or if they were on the way when it was already 9am! That's my first frustration. So then I was requested to go to the recruitment office to pick up a new girl, who unfortunately would be working in the clinic. Yes, I may be a bitch when I say this but I don't really care. I can't wait for her to GO. Ok, so back to work. After coming back and and calling the person in charge to let her know, I went back to my seat. Only to find out that she had not called the Pharmacy to come collect their apples. Second frustration. Remind you, my knee was already starting to hurt! So I called them, and then was asked to bring the girl up to the clinic to meet the Sister. After which, the Sister In Charge unfortunately caught me and asked me to go and redress my wound. Which I am going to tell you about now and make you understand my pain. *giggles evilly*

It was all right when she first peeled it off. Only to find that the waxy part which was not suppose to stick to my wound WAS actually indeed stuck to my wound. Hahas. Maybe it wasn't suppose to stick to my skin but not not to the wound. Hahas. You understood that right? Anyway, moving on. So she drenched my wound in alochol, I think it was alochol, to help the thing loosen it's grip before she ripped the padding away from my wound. After doing it twice, it didn't work. Well, a little came off, but not everything. So I closed my eyes and told her to do her job. And boy did it hurt! If I had something in my mouth, I would've bitten it into two pieces. Hahas. So she cleaned my wound and then bandaged it up again. It was a very big piece that she put on my knee and when she put the plastic covering, she wasn't exactly very gentle about it! Anyway, I left the dressing room with a larger bandage and more pain than before. Although she did say it was healing pretty well so I hope it gets better soon. I think I'll still stick to wearing pumps. It might look a little weird, but I don't know. See how things go I guess (:

Anyway, back to work. Nothing else to say really. I do sincerely wish she would be leaving as soon as possible because I don't know how much more I can actually endure. I am liable to hit her one of these days >_<>

Amanda Loves You (:

The first dress and History repeats Itself.

Good Evening!

Be not mistaken that added exclamation mark to be happiness, excitement or even gladness. Because frankly, I'm very far from any one of those emotions. It has only been one day since my last post, but it seems like a whole lot of things have happened since then! But I'll start off with shopping on Friday night first. Because in my opinion, that is the most interesting thing I've got on the agenda. But than again, who cares about your opinion because this is my blog. So if you don't want to know about the first dress, scroll down a paragraph or two (: Be careful not to trip!

Friday evening. It was a pretty upsetting time, especially since all the dresses I had wanted to buy were either to expensive, or did not have the designs that I had wanted. Something more up to date, and not old looking yet keeping the oriental look (: I'm a fussy shopper I know, but only the best when you're a fussy shopper xP Anyhow, I gave up hope after the last second shop we went to where the dress itself cost about $160. The good thing, or the only thing that made me happy was that I could fit into the dress without needing any adjustments made! Well, if you don't know by now, that is a really good thing for me! Sure, it does mean I still need to lose more weight since I'm still using a double L. But at least now, I can fit into the dress unlike before when the dress couldn't even get past my hips! So, we found this tourist shop further down the road and I found one that I liked the design so I tried it on. And it fit! Well, it was a three quarter dress, but the full length one caught my eye. And it's pretty amazing that there was the last one, waiting on the shelf for me. Yes, last piece on the shelf and fits me almost perfectly. So I tried it, fell in love, and bagged it (: After which, we got underwear! They were having this clearance sale at OG, and the underwear had really cute wordings on them! You might see them if you ask, but you would never see them on me. Well, unless you're...me! Hehes. And because it was more than $20, we got a free pearl! Here's the picture I took with my phone. This is indeed my first time posting a picture, so I actually hope you can see it. I mean, if it's too big or too small. Hahas. I'll be posting more pictures in the future, so hopefully after a while, I'll get the hang of posting photos with my posts. Hehes. So yes, there's the pearl. My first pearl (: Mummy says she wants to go buy more underwear to get another pearl. Hahas.

After that we went down to the car and mummy showed me the pictures of a car she was parked next to when she first came in! It was small, yellow and had Winnie The Pooh pictures drawn all over it! It was really really cute! So I'll put them up here so you can share in my post elation over seeing the cute car again. Cute isn't it? Mummy didn't take more comprehensive photos simply because there were other people in the parking lot and they might think she's crazy snapping photos of another car. Hahas. Although I would really love to see that car again. I'll definitely take so much more photos! Maybe this design on my dream Mini Cooper? Hehes. Well, on to the next day then I guess. History repeating itself. I fell down, again. Well, the amazing thing was, I wasn't even looking at anyone or talking on the phone or messaging! So, I was walking, minding my own business and then next thing I know, I found myself on the floor. Pretty funny isn't it? I think I did started to laugh after I got up. Hahas. Well, I continued walking cause I couldn't possibly sit there and cry right? It started to hurt but I didn't really look down at it. And when I did, the only thing I saw was red. Yeah, literally. So I limped my way to work and then the nurse in the office helped me patch it up. And surprisingly, I didn't cry (: It's good cause I didn't make a fool out of myself in front of someone. And it's not good because I've got a higher tolerance to pain. Next thing you know, I wouldn't cry or scream as much as I would when I give birth. Hahas. So, it got patched up and everything else after that was better. We had breakfast, and then did work. It is fun being in the office alone. Peace and quiet. Only me and my music. Mummy came to pick me up after work cause of my knee and then we went home. After which, I lazed around and then went for mass in the evening.

Mass was terrible. Not the mass, mind you. I was feeling pain every time I moved my leg! I mean, where's the no pain in your presence thing in church? Well, it used to happen for me, but not this time. Maybe I am losing my faith, I really don't know. And, frankly, I don't know if I care at all. So well, it hurt horribly. I didn't even touch my bible. I was much too consumed by the pain emitting from my knee cap. After mass it was the ride home. And then, home alone. So I'm off to play some Distro Bots now, since no one's at home and no one's online to play SoF with me.

I'll blog again tomorrow, to let you know if I made it to church or not. Because you know, the whole seeing people I don't like and having to face idiots who are too dumb to stand up for their friends. Yeah, so I'll let you know. And I don't think anyone has found this blog yet. Which is good in a way, so I don't need to be accountable for whatever I say here. Hehes. So I'm off! *poof* See you soon!

Amanda Loves You (:

A week I wish I could forget.

Good Afternoon.

It is 1pm, but I have not yet left for lunch yet. I'm still waiting on Miss Clinic who hasn't called me or messaged me yet. I hope she does get to me before I blow up and murder the person sitting next to me. Yes, this entire week basically does suck to the core. It is times like these that I do wish some person, anyone really, invented the memory eraser for humankind. Because I seriously need it now!

Let's start off with what has pissed me off the most today. Yes, today, not throughout the entire week although the cause wouldn't have changed, only the situation. So I was talking to mother on the phone, about what time I would be meeting her for dinner after work and then suddenly remembered that I needed to write my time in, which I had forgotten to do when I had come to work. So I took out the book and was debating out loud with her what time I had come in. Of course I was debating out loud, I was talking to her on the PHONE. Not face to face or even in my mind! So I was debating with her and then, a voice pipes up from beside me. 'You came in at 9.15am' Sure, it was considerate of her to let me know what time I had come in, but don't you think it was a little rude to interrupt some one's conversation? But no, that's not why I'm so pissed, annoying and irritated at her. It is also because of the fact that she makes a point to remember what time I come in, so as to ensure I don't cheat on my time sheet when she, herself, cheats on the time as well! Now, tell me how pissed off you'd be if you were in my shoes. I'm so pissed now that I have my mp3 on full blast and using both ear pieces because I don't even want to hear her breathe or clear her throat. Because I swear if I hear her clear her throat again, I'm going to scream at her and forcefully force her to drink ten gallons of water until she loses her voice! I have been hearing her clearing her throat for the past two godforsaken months and it has been annoying as hell! I mean, if you have a dry throat, go drink water or at least go see a doctor to get better!

Recent notice is that I'm not having lunch with the Clinic Girl because she's having lunch with her husband. So I'm going to not have lunch today. Nope, no lunch. Ok, maybe I'm going to buy bread but that's it. Because I want to finish this post, and then I'm going to wait until she leaves and see what time she writes in the attendance book. Yes, I'm pissed and annoyed enough to do that. So I guess it's good I had breakfast this morning. And this recent bout of anger has made me less hungry. It's really amazing how the human mind can imagine things that never happened. I can almost see myself slapping her. But I know I would never do that. Because I'm not the type to hit another and I don't want to be in the position to be sued for assault. Although I would love to sue her for mental and emotional distress. Hahas. Ok, that made me smile.

Another recent news is that there's planning going on to get a early Christmas Present for a friend in church. I've been asking around, but anyone with anything that has The Click Five's signature, please let me know! I'm not sure how much I'm willing to pay yet, but do name your price and we'll see how it goes (:

Ok, the anger has vanished. But I do still feel like slapping her. Trust me, the itch is there. I'm just not scratching it. Ok, I'm talking to someone on the phone so I'll end here! I'll be back tomorrow! Take care!

Amanda Loves You (:

To Five Years of Friendship.

To Five years of friendship. This is for you.

The loud horn blew in the distance as Diane sat on the bench, facing the entrance of the train station. It was another hour before her train was due to leave. Her luggage was stacked neatly next to her, on the floor, leaving the seat beside her empty. A brightly decorated box sat silently on her lap as she looked out expectantly; waiting for him. She checked her watch for the fifth time before she turned her attention to the box on her lap. Everything else paled in comparison as she opened the lid of the box, the smell of only him seemed to surround her as she placed the lid on the seat beside her.

She reached in, smiling as she looked fondly upon the first item she picked out. A picture of them, in church, the place where they first met. He had his arm slung around her, both of them smiling into the camera. It probably wasn't the first photo she had of him, but it had been one of the first they took together. She replaced the item, only to pick out the receipt of her first gift to him. She laughed at herself. Her schoolgirl crush still lingering in her heart. A wallet, one she searched high and low for and spent her month savings on. It was her first gift to him, for his birthday. The first year she had met him. She looked up, the images of that night flashing in her mind. How awkward she felt even giving him something after only knowing him for so long. How she blushed when he said thanks. How she wished she had kissed him on the cheek. She laughed at her schoolgirl wishes before she placed the receipt back into the box.

A bottle filled with coloured water, and his name, written with a heart on the I inside it. It was her intention to give it to him. When she declared her love for him; and he returned the feelings of course. But the day never came; even when the fluttering of her heart whenever she saw him never stopped. She tossed it between her hands, admiring how the light reflected off the glass. Just another thing on her list she never got done. She placed it back, careful not to break it before picking up the next thing that caught her eye. A bundle of photos tied together, labelled 'David'. Again, with a heart over the I. Diane shook her head as she recalled the days when she thought was head over heels in love with him. She spent her days thinking of him; missing him. All her friends knew about him; she made sure they knew. It was crazy; she was crazy in love. She carefully took out the knot before looking at each photo. Each photo had him in it, naturally. But none were posed shots. He was either in it as the main person, or the photo just had his face it in. She sighed softly as she looked through the photos. Oh the days when she was naive and thought that he might have loved her too. She arranged the photos neatly together, as she always did, and tied her favorite knot to keep the photos bundled together.

Another horn sounded in the distance; bringing her attention away from her box of treasures. She looked at the large clock above a couple in an embrace. It was only another thirty minutes before her train left. She didn't have much time left, and still he wasn't here. She lost herself in the couple in their embrace before the setting sun behind them made her think of him again. The first evening he brought her up to the roof. The view of the sun she had was almost perfect. She remembered what would have made it perfect. If he was holding her and telling her he loved her. She laughed again. She never did get over him although she always thought she did. She wanted so badly up pull her knees up to her chest, to huddle up every time she wanted to protect herself. But she couldn't. If there was only one time she has to be strong; the time was now. She looked down into the box, noticing her name scribbled onto a piece of folded paper. A Christmas note, along with the present which was tucked away in her luggage. That was his first Christmas gift to her and it was definitely one of her favorites that year. She had previously borrowed the disc from him; and then he bought it for her. And she felt horrible, that she had snapped at him when he asked her if she had bought that disc the week before. But she remembered hugging him; wishing him a Merry Christmas before walking off. Tears in her eyes.

She swiped at her eyes before folding the letter and dropping it into the box. She briefly closed her eyes because she didn't know if she could go on. Goodbye was harder than it looked. She looked at the clock again, the couple had already left. It was only another few minutes before she had to go. And still, he was no where in sight. She reached into the box slowly, her eyes never straying from the clock. Her fingers brushed against something smooth attached to a string. She hooked her finger into the loop and pulled it out. Another Christmas present. She personally thought it was a bad present given his status and her past, well known, schoolgirl crush. But she hung it on her phone anyway, telling everyone and anyone who gave it to her for Christmas. She remembered she used to smile to herself that maybe not all was lost. At least if she wasn't by his side as his girl, she could be there as his friend. Just a special friend like he was to her. And then the rumors got to vicious and he never stood up for her, not even once. She frowned slightly and willed the tears away before she dropped the chain back into the box. She slowly replaced the lid of the box, all the memories surrounding her seemingly being sucked into the tiny little box.

The final announcement filled the train station as wives kissed their husbands, girlfriends kissed their boyfriends and children cried while clinging on to their fathers. She left the box on the seat beside her as she gathered up her luggage and took careful steps towards the train. She had only taken a few steps when someone tapped on her shoulder. "David!" Diane spun around, only to be met by the same blue eyes she fell in love with. "I'm sorry, you left this on the seat." Diane thanked the man softly as she took the box from his hands. Even up till the end, she had to be the one to do it. She looked at the box, small blue hearts scrawled over the box before looking at the trash bin before her.

"Last train headed for London!" Diane bit her lip, like she always did when she was doing something particularly difficult before she walked up to the trash bin and dropped the box carelessly into it. She heard the sound of glass breaking as she turned on her heel, gathered up her luggage and headed straight for the train. She picked up her pace and all but ran onto the train and to her seat. Ironically, her seat had a clear view of the trash bin she threw her lovingly treasured memories into. Diane stared at the trash bin before the final horn sounded as the train made it's departure from the station.

The first tear rolled down her face as the trash bin disappeared from sight. Goodbye is always harder than it looks. As the sun set, Diane looked out the window, up at the stars above. She didn't tell him she was leaving, on his birthday but he didn't miss her. He never missed her. It was all right now; because as the sun set, after five years of friendship, they would be nothing more than mere strangers.

Good bye Elvin.

Words or Patterns?

Good morning!

Well, another hour to lunch but still, Good morning! Please don't ask me why I'm so cheery this morning because I have absolutely no idea. It has so far been a dull morning aside from this morning's silent debate over why people wear skirts with wordings on the back, just at or above the ass.

Why do people do it anyway? I mean, pattern is all right because it's pattern. But words? Well, I was walking to work, minding my own business when this girl walks up from behind me, past me and then in front of me. So I casually looked at her, I mean, you do look at people when you're walking don't you? If you're the type to just walk and look straight ahead, ignore this segment of my post. So as I was saying, I just casually looked at her and then I noticed the word 'Surf' on the back of her skirt, directly on her ass. Pardon my language but I don't see the need to substitute the word; I hardly doubt there are toddlers reading this. So I just felt compelled to stare at the word. I'm not exactly sure why but I was! And no, I'm not a pervert. I just have to look in a mirror to stare at my own ass. Anyway, then another lady walked past me and she was wearing a striped pants. I looked at her ass, because I was doing research not because I was being a pervert! And I found that I wasn't compelled to look at her ass as I was previously with the other girl. And I found that to be really curious. I mean, from my point of view, I'm thinking that it's simply the fact there are words to read whereas on the second girl, it was just a normal pattern you may see every other day. Hence if you actually do wear a skirt or a shirt that has words on it; you have absolutely no right to be offended when someone stares at your chest or your ass. Well, unless of course they're leering and not reading off the words on your shirt or skirt. Hahas. This case still isn't closed yet, simply because I don't understand why I was compelled to look at girl A's ass when I wasn't compelled to look at girl B's ass. Anyone got any comments? There's a blue button for you to hit at the end of the post to leave a comment. Leave your name too! And yes, I'm using the comment space because I'm too lazy to go get another or my original chat box.

Anyhow, I don't understand why you couldn't help another person sign for something while they are busy. And no, it wasn't for a very important thing that the person had to personally sign. Well yes, that person who didn't have to sign was me, and the one who had waited for me to sign, is the person sitting beside me. I mean, she checked the paper and then she asked me to sign. I mean, WTH? Do I look like some spastic kid that doesn't know how to read or cross check that you have got to do it for me and all I had to do was sign where indicated? Please, I may act like a kid but I am by birth 19 years of age. Anyhow, it seems she is more free these days and thus more time is spent on studying. Somehow I wish I could do it too, but there are so many reports that are due. Actually only one for me; but because I need information from the clinics, I can only complete it when the clinics give me the information. This month however has been going on well enough. Hopefully I wouldn't have to come back on Saturday to complete it. Oh, talking about Saturday, they are having a gathering at Ckigu's house this coming Saturday.

Yes, I know I told her that I was going to try and make it even if I was going to be late. But now, I really don't think I would be going. Simply because I've never really liked my Junior College Class and I don't wish to reminisce any bad experiences in school. And no, I don't have any good memories to reminisce about. Hahas. So it's probably a no go and I'll be at home or at work. Doing something, that actually makes me happy. I'm sorry, I liked you a little, but I rather be happy than force myself through at least an hour of pretences.

Anyhow, it's almost lunch and I need to send up the forms to the other department. And yes! She's going for lunch on her own! Ok, evil Amanda but it's ok, I'm happy (: Maybe I should celebrate by having Western today. Hahas. Anyway, I know I also have time to blog like she has time to study. But I complete my work and hand them up on time. It's just weird how she has a little more time but her things are sometimes late. But hey, that's just my bias point of view. Hahas. I'm evil, I know. But before I go, a last birthday wish to a very special birthday boy. Happy Birthday You (: It has been a good 5 years. Maybe I'll find someone else who was as special as you. And on a last note to Dep. If you're reading this, I'm not going to buy those blades. Because I'm looking for the little girl before the blades and I'm not going to find her if the blades come out to play again. So maybe I'll see you around in game or online. So this is me checking out. Take care and as Fergie sings 'Big Girls Don't Cry'

Amanda Loves You (:

Something once lost has now been found.

Good Afternoon.

Yes I am back at work . Unfortunate for me, I couldn't wake up this morning so I arrived late at work today. Another few late nights to cover up the three and a half hours I was late. No more late night watching television. Or until I find a way to make myself able to wake up on time in the morning. Anyhow, as it's only been a few hours nothing much has happened. Only thing I could think about is that I found what I had lost and I'm headed for my second graduation night. Hahas.

I bet you're more interested in my second graduation night than what I had found so I'll just start with that first. Ok, it's not exactly my second graduation night because it isn't even my night at all. I'm just helping someone celebrate it the way I never got to celebrate it. And I must say, I am pretty excited. Well, it's coming up during the end of November so during that week before and week after, I most probably would be working later nights. To cover up the time I wouldn't be here. But it would probably only be half day on the day of the event and then the full day next day. So a grand total of 13 hours. How I am going to work back that much time, I'm not very sure. Need to check if I have any off days during December that I could use to cover up. Because 13 hours is almost impossible. Although I really wouldn't mind coming back on the weekends to work aka Saturday. Because I wouldn't have to see someone who sits next to me day after day after day. So we'll see how it goes. But Saturdays do sound pretty fun don't you think? (: just for the month of November of course. Saturdays are going to start being my gaming days.

The other incident that has been all excited and elated is that I found what I had lost. Which were some invoices that are pretty important and mounting to a total sum of about a thousand dollars. I don't know if it's a good thing my table is small so there are only so many places I could've put it or if my table is too small that I do not have enough places to put my things hence being more susceptible to losing them. Hahas. Knowing me, I'll never find an answer and think through it and re butt myself until I get tired and decide to just let the matter rest. Hahas. But I know you still love me anyway.

On a duller note, I think Chris is ignoring me. Either J hasn't come back or Chris doesn't want to be the one whose always telling me he isn't back from his mission yet. It hurts but with all these new goals I'm making for myself, hopefully they'll keep my mind off him for a while. Because there is no way I can breakdown and cry my eyes out anymore. I'm not in school, where no one cared how puffy my eyes were or how quiet I was. So we'll just have to wait and find out what's happening huh? Maybe I'll get Matt to help me, but he's got enough problems on his own. After everything that he's done for me, I should be the one whose there for him. So enough about this then, let's move on.

Lunch is indeed coming to an end and everyone's returning. Well, more specifically, the one who sits beside me has returned. Hahas. I'm sure I'm making her out to sound like a evil witch. However I do think I'm the much bitch-er one cause well, I'm not exactly the person to not say what's on her mind anymore. Once you've suffered enough I guess you just learn how to protect yourself. Well, I'm off then! I'll try to blog tomorrow although it might seem impossible because I've got mass after work and then by the time I reach home, it'll be late and I need my sleep. Maybe Friday. After shopping. You'll get all the details first! Hehes. So take care of yourself! and I'll see you sooner than you think (:

Amanda Loves You (:

First exciting event at work!

Good Evening.

I am currently watching CSI:Miami on ChannelFive and thus my post would either be very vague or I may lose my concentration half way through my conversations with you. So I may most probably keep this post short and sweet and tell you the most exciting thing that has happened to me!

Amanda, aka me, is going for the SGH Dinner & Dance next Friday, 9 November 2007! Isn't that just exciting! Hehes. Mummy suggested wearing my dark blue lace dress for the dinner; yes, the one I wore for my JC Grad Night. But nope, I wouldn't be wearing it. Simply because the D&D is themed as 'Imperial Night'. We are however going to look for a chinese top! Shopping trip this Friday to Far East! I hope I can find a nice top which would go with a skirt I already have. Because it is simply a waste of money to buy a new top and a new skirt. Hehes. Although it wouldn't be too bad seeing as how I'm planning to throw out my beige flair skirt that has been with me for at least 2 years and is now pretty much torn and tattered. But I assure you it covers me perfectly well. So it hasn't been decided yet but we'll see how it goes this Friday (:

Aside from that, nothing else interesting happened today. Tomorrow's Wednesday so I would probably be doing OT to complete the report that is due next Monday. There's All Saint's Day Mass on Thursday, so I probably wouldn't be able to stay late to complete my work. And it does look like I would have to go back on Saturday but I don't mind, cause I actually do like my work (: And this reminds me, it is some one's birthday on Thursday. Well, I did say no names would be mentioned, but if you know me and you know him, you'll know who I'm talking about x] So yes. I usually do get him a present for his birthday but ever since the rumors surrounding our friendship has become so excessive and insulting that I've decided that maybe, some friendships aren't meant to last or even fought to be kept. So to five years of friendship; happy and turbulent times included; it was good while it lasted. May you have many more, with others who aren't as susceptible as me to rumors. Wish I had a tube of champagne or something to celebrate his birthday and ok, maybe not our failed friendship but, you know, glam look. Hahas.

So it's FashionPolice on ChannelFive now. And a look at the clothes and I really want to move to the UnitedStates. It's just simply because I can wear stuff there that I wouldn't sweat like a pig when I wear it in Singapore. Hahas. And also the different type of clothes. Oh, talking about clothes. I'm making it a point to work out at least twice a week. And even if that gets cut down to once a week, I'm still going to make an effort to do it. Because if I don't, I'm forever going to be sitting here and complaining about being fat. So yes, even if it's slow, i'm DETERMINED to factor exercise into my life. And if you're all for it, do leave a comment. Because I know I do need the support. Hahas.

All right! Next up is CriminalMinds with the ever cute Professor Reed and other eye candy. A girl's gotta find her eye candy somewhere when all she sees at work are married men and married ladies. So I suppose this is about it. I'm headed immediately to bed after the show because it would be almost 1.30am when the show ends and I've got to start work at the same time of 8.30am in the morning! So this is me, checking out. I'll be arranging my room for more shoes as well as cataloging my books tomorrow so I will try my best to blog. If not, I'll promise to do it on Thursday Night (: And a quote from the song SweetEscape, 'It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator. Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold' I thought that was pretty cute. And if you have no idea what I'm talking about, go listen to that song at a high volume and don't sing! Just listen to the lyrics (: I'm outta here!

Amanda Loves You

A somewhat balanced weekend.

Good Afternoon.

It's been two days since my last post. And not surprisingly, many many things have happened since then. Well, first off, we [being mother and I] managed to almost complete our movie marathon. Tonight will be the last show and then tomorrow, mummy's going to borrow another one or two discs for this week (: So all the shows that we have watched so far, SleepOver, Epic Movie, Scoop, The Pursuit of Happiness, Surf's Up and tonight's movie, The bridge to Tabitha. [yes, the spelling is wrong and I'm too lazy to check or google for the correct spelling. I'm lazy, what are you going to do about it?] So far the movie choices have been good, aside from Epic Movie. It wasn't exactly very entertaining, aside from the times when me and mummy were spotting the movies they were spoof-ing [no, i don't know if 'spoof-ing is even a word.] SleepOver was good. A chick flick for girls crossing the bridge from books to boys [basically from childhood into the teen years; i had wanted to use the line from the movie ok?] Nevertheless, I must say the guy was still cute. Scoop was a really good watch. Hugh Jackman is totally hot. Hahas. I mean, seriously! I don't care how old he is or how young I am, he IS hot xP Anyhow, we watched that show quite late, and mummy didn't fall asleep so it must've been good to have caught her attention. Hehes. The Pursuit of Happiness was a movie that we had wanted to watch ever hearing the good feedback on the show. And it truly was an inspiring and heart felt film. Sure, I don't really like my father much but it was really touching and moving. And I do wonder if you had his desire to be there for me; would everything be different now? There were some parts that I cried but there were also parts that left me in awe. And I must say that the rubick cube in the movie has definitely caught my attention! It was pretty interesting watching him complete it and I actually do want to buy one for myself. Hehes. There was also a special feature on the disc about the rubick cube and OMG! I saw a guy solve the cube with ONE hand. Well, at first he did it in the quickest time possible. After which, he proceeded to do it BLINDFOLDED. And finally, he did it with only one hand. As I was watching him, I felt like the stupidest person ever! Hahas. Bet you would've felt the same if you watched it too. Anyhow, that was about it. After The Pursuit of Happiness on Satrday, Sunday we watched Bones and Happy Hour which we had taped on Tuesday Night. So that was about it for the movie watching part of my weekend.

The next part would then have to be the gaming part. Yes, I've started gaming again. No, I wouldn't be as crazy as I was before simply because I am working now and I just don't have the energy or the time. But it was fun this weekend. Xuan helped me and a new friend, Rain, tank the Bandit Bosses. And I levelled once! Which was pretty amazing seeing as how once you hit level15, levelling becomes the hardest thing ever! Well, that and actually getting your weapon pimped. But since with Dep, I don't need to worry about that. Hehes. On Sunday, I played for a while with Monkey. And I must admit, I do miss spending time with him. Even when he doesn't say anything during our time together. I have never seen anyone just run from one place to another to kill bosses and not say anything. Well, especially since I kept losing him because I was distracted by the Halloween Jacks around the place where I could get candy (: And he was pretty sweet to come running back to find me. Because there are SO many bladers that aside from their hair, they all look the same to me! Hehes. And yes, my mini map doesn't help when I see myself near the orange dot that is suppose to be him and yet I can't see him! Hahas. But it was fun. And it's times like this I wish I was in the US then maybe we'd be able to hang out in real life and actually have more fun. Not to mention, I would love to meet him nephew! New born just a few months ago. But that aside, Dep's on better terms with his girlfriend. I want him to be happy; but I don't know if she's the right one for him. But I suppose that's for him to find out, and I'll just provide the shoulder or the listening ear when he needs it. I'm going to be bitchy and just say this but I hope he doesn't stop pimping my equipment for me. Hahas. And if you're reading this Dep, you know I love you (:

With that aside, on to slightly more serious matters. J isn't back from his mission yet. I believe Chris must be tired of hearing me ask after him. Especially since it's everytime I see him come online, which is everyday. Hahas. Chris said he was delayed, and I hope that's just about it. I really shouldn't dwell anymore on this before I launch into my 'Why Must They Send People For Stupid Reasons' Lecture because I really simply do not understand. Anyhow, moving on!

I need to get out more you know. Anyone out there nice enough to being me out for a night of fun? Because between work and family matters, I am just about going crazy. And yes, I'm serious. Even though I'm not suppose to be doing this, I am blogging at work. And my colleague that is sitting right beside me, is annoying the living day lights out of me. I mean, it's not like she's actually doing something. It's just her being here that annoys me. Ok, I'm certain I sound like a spoilt brat, but she really is annoying! I mean, *ARGH* There are so many things she does that I don't understand. And no, it's not because she's a 'engineering' kind of person because I know people who are in engineering, aka GodSister, who doesn't act like she does! I mean, there are times when she does stuff and I go 'why in the world did she do that?!' As of now, I'm basically ignoring her. Totally and certainly ignoring her. I love my mp3 player as well as my other devices that bring my mind away from this place of sitting right beside her. I don't want to dwell on family matters because I have somewhat found a way to solve some of my problems. As for the rest of my problems, I'll just dump them all into God's hands. He's older, he's wiser and thus is able to solve more problems. As for me, I'm young, naive and am unable to solve many problems. Hahas. Ok, this is me going crazy because I'm trying to refrain myself from screaming at the girl sitting beside me. *breathes in and out* Taking deep breaths and typing as quickly as I can with this horrible keyboard is helping, a little anyway.

Well, as I can see the time on the computer, it is almost just about 5.30pm. Which is time for HER to go! Hahas. Well, I do need to get back to my work because I need to finish everything before next Monday. Reports are due. I'll probably be coming back this Saturday to finish the report, and hopefully I'll be able to finish it before Monday which is when the report is due. Do leave a comment, because I know you're dying to! But don't die though, would be unexplainable and your parents would be really upset and everything. I'm sure if I know who you are, I'd be upset too. So comment but don't die even if you are dying to comment. Ha Ha Ha. Ok, cold joke. Time for me to get back to work and then head home for that last movie! Oh, I'll remember to tell you about my newest and latest plan to get myself off my lazy ass and to start working out. And I have reyrey to thank for that really. The guy, making his gym and all. But I will delve into that in another post. I'll stop here and leave you to your thoughts. Because what is a person without his own personal thoughts? (: Take care and check back soon! Because Amanda has just got back into the blogging scene.

Amanda loves you.

A new beginning, hopefully.

Good morning.

Yes, it has been a while since I have had a blog. My last one, which was wishfully paradise has been abandoned, in lieu for this new blog which, as the blog address is, totally, fully and sinfully about me. No, I'm not about to spill all my dark secrets here for you. You'd need to work your way up the friendship ladder for me to tell you my darkest secrets. By the way, if you still haven't figured it out, Amanda means Worthy to be Loved. Maybe mummy thought I was made to be loved; but I really beg to differ. Nevertheless, it is my name, and those of you who know me, know I love my name. Despite the numerous jokes surrounding it. Amanda has a pretty ring to it doesn't it? (:

This blog probably marks a new chapter in my life. A new beginning hopefully. No, I'm not entering University. That's the NEXT chapter of my life. This chapter, I'm going to work on changing my life. Not to mention the places I frequent, the things I believe in and most of all, I'm going to try and find that little girl that I lost during the years. So much has happened since my last blog, even since my last fervently kept blog, that I really, don't know where to begin. Let's start with the biggest part of my life now, my job.

I finally packed up my things and left the Events Company I was working for. It didn't matter if the pay was going to be lower, if the working hours were going to be longer, or if I was going to have to go further away for a new job, I just HAD to get out of that Company. And so I am here, at my current workplace. [you may realize why there are no names mentioned, because i don't exactly want people to goggle something and find my blog by accident. who knows who could be lurking out there waiting to find someone to kill?] So far it has been rather smooth sailing. It probably would so a lot smoother if I weren't so easily annoyed. Hahas. But that's what makes me isn't it? Nevertheless, I'm trying to be less annoyed and more understanding. And then more tolerant when my understanding becomes a 'go ahead' to push me around and put me down. Yes, my mp3 has been playing Praise and Worship songs for the past week or so. It seems only music can make me slightly more tolerant and Praise and Worship Songs make me tolerant and less annoyed. Aside from that, most things are going smoothly and I am much happier here than I ever was at the Events Company. Maybe sometimes good things do come from taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone. Still, don't expect me to continue doing it. As you know, my mind probably would go into over drive thinking through the pros and cons, and then making long lists which I can never remember and stressing myself out for no reason whatsoever. But I must say, that this risk has been so far the best bet ever.

Other parts of my life really do pale in comparison to the amount my work takes up. Trust me, even the church going part of my life doesn't compare. But anyhow, let's continue there next. I'm sure, if you've known me from before I disappeared from the blogging community, there was a whole load of things going on in the church I was attending. Anyhow, no names are going to be mentioned here. Nicknames, probably. But definitely not real names, aside from my own since this IS my blog and unless you happen to be below average and think some random chick is talking about my life like how I would, there shouldn't be any problems (: So church. Last weekend was probably, hopefully and wishfully the last time I would be involved in a major church event. By being involved, I mean helping out behind the scenes. Running around like mad people trying to get everything in order and being at the event, basically. The whole weekend itself was a total bust. Not the event mind you, it was pretty much well planned and thought out, it was just for me, that the weekend sucked big time. Saturday cake wrapping was indeed a total failure. God knows why I was so moody, because for the life of me, I just didn't know why! Maybe I am becoming a loner or as I like to put it at times, someone who prefers the plain silence to the colourful noise of our world today. And yet, I still had my mp3 playing in one ear. I guess for me, it's just the non human contact at times. But we'll analyze that in the future. Or rather, I'll analyze that in the future and you'll just read it if I ever decide to post it on here. So back to Saturday. Dinner was a little better, although I didn't eat much. Didn't really have that much of an appetite. Went home at around 8 or 9, after which me and mummy went to bed. It was a really tiring day since I had gone back to work in the morning. And before I knew it, it was already Sunday. I couldn't go get my hair done because the lady who does my hair wasn't at work today. And yes, I don't trust anyone else with my hair xP So everyone got ready, and we left early for church. The plan with the jeans had changed due to circumstances so I was in my boots and black skirt. I would've loved to wear a black top to complete the look but it wouldn't have looked really good seeing as it was more of a celebration than a funeral. The Dedication Mass was indeed spectacular. I would comment on the dressing of the Altar Servers, but there really isn't much to say, is there? We saw a few people; seeing as how we were sitting right in front. I saw a few people, and a certain someone. And trust me, my previous outrageous and stupid hallucinations have been silenced, hanged and thrown out to sea. There's only one man now who has my heart; and I pray everyday that he'll come back to me the same man. But I'll dwell more on that later, if you're interested. After mass, it was the dinner. Caught up with an old friend from a few years back whose now frequenting another church. Made more friends at my table, people my own age. And then there always has to be the guy spotting. How could I resist when he was just sitting there waiting to be stared at. And with that voice, I could have melted there. It's quite unfortunate that I do not know the man who took the last group photo. I mean, I did take the photo but it wasn't my camera. It really is heart breaking, but I'm sure, I'll find out how to get a picture to add to my collection. Hahas. Amanda the boy fanatic. That's me isn't it? (: After mass we headed home, and went to bed immediately. It was a good thing I didn't drink, otherwise I would've been up half the night and then gone to work a zombie. Not very good for good work performance. But the morning after was good although I must say, his face was still in my mind. You know, I hate the way he looks at me like I'm suppose to do something. Or the way he looks at me blankly. So yes, we shall move on to my obsession with boys.

Most of you who know about my last affair; it's still going on. Although there have been many other possible affairs that came along the way; I guess I finally figured out what this heart of mine wants. But sometimes, you can't help but question yourself if it's the right thing to do you know. Or if you're choosing the right man. It's hard I suppose, but love is about making choices right? Don't marry the man you can live with; but marry the man you can't live without. And I must say that it has been hard trying to figure out who I couldn't live without. And even now, sitting here, I'm wondering if I made the right choice to wait for you. But I guess since I smile every time I think of you; between the two of us; I'm sure it'll work. i love you and i miss you baby.

What else is there in my life now? I've started gaming again, and this time only with Matt as company. And possibly Xuan who I still love even if we talk like only once in a month. But aside from these two people; no one else knows. Because I don't trust anyone else to not make me cry. Aside from gaming, there has been the one time real clubbing experience with a new friend I made at work. We went to DxO; the new one by the bay. It was pretty small, but it was definitely fun. Met a few of her friends, and her boyfriend. I found a new alcohol I like; whisky. It's sweet too and a little stronger than gin I think. Anyhow, I am definitely going to go clubbing again. Now only if I could find people to go with me. Hehes. I guess that is about it for now. I'll try to blog on a daily basis, or a weekly basis. Depends on how much time I have with work and everything else in my life (:

So I guess this is it. I'm going to game for a while, before it's bed time. And then it'll be Sunday and then Monday again. But it'll be good because mummy's coming for lunch on Monday (: So I'll update you again at a later date. Take care of yourself! And a quote from the movie "The Pursuit of Happiness" 'Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something. If you have a dream; you gotta protect it.'

Amanda loves you (: