Good Afternoon.
Yes, I'm pretty amazed I'm still here. My eyes are dry although my head does hurt and I am still feeling a little annoyed at some members of this extended community. I don't really want to have to go through this whole process so I'll just skip to parts where I did like, or even enjoyed myself.
I refused to get out of bed. That was my first thought in the morning. But I eventually lugged myself out of bed and into the shower where I changed there as everyone was arriving already. After the shower, I hid in the room until I got called out to have lunch. And I have no idea what made my mother think I wanted, or even desired to share the table with the eldest of the female community. And no, I'm not talking about my grandmother. Everything was going well, as well as can be around me. I was eating, and listening to my music to keep me sane as everyone talked and watched a cooking show on the television. And then, she just had, just had to open her mouth and ask me, not kindly mind you, why couldn't I turn off my music. No, if she had asked nicely, or even without a degrading tone of voice, I might have switched off my music without a fuss. But she had to use that degrading tone of voice like I'm not worth any of her time. And she still could stare at me. I would have slapped her if I didn't care for my mother. At least I'm not the one whose not supporting her own mother. So after that, I used my ear piece and blasted the music. No, I couldn't be bothered if someone was trying to talk to me or call me, because I didn't give a damn. After lunch, I stole away into my room again. This time with company. And I guess, no matter how dreadful this community is, at least I've got someone who I can at least smile with aside from my mother. I had a pretty fun time showing him the videos on YouTube. At least some laughter in my otherwise dreadful day. And then it was the cutting of the cake. And I guess, no matter how many times I push the pain aside, the pain of not being accepted always comes back to haunt you. But let's leave that aside, because there is no way I can afford to start tearing or worse, crying.
I'm pretty much thankful for Tasha as well. She kept me company for a while and at least made me feel better. Even though I was sorely tempted to ask the eldest male in the community for a smoke. Yes, I don't smoke but that doesn't mean you can't pick it up right? Well, obviously I didn't. Instead I looked for refuge in my room instead. Anyway, talking to Tasha did help a little. To ease the tension and the desire to inflict bodily harm onto a certain member of the community. And talking about friends, it brings me back to the short note from BenTan on MSN messenger. Yeah, you guessed rightly, I told him off. I don't know why though, but I guess every time I see him, I remember the phase 'Problematic Child' and that just sparks something in me that makes me want to scream, hit or do something to him. Like I said this morning, I don't take lightly to being labelled wrongly or insulted without proof. But the relationship has already died, and I don't ever see it mending itself ever again. After all, if he can bring up the name over and over again every time he cannot win an argument with me, even forgiving him seventy seven times wouldn't be enough. So I guess I just need to get over it huh? Maybe getting over something, is actually much easier than it looks. Well, maybe it'll go into my resolutions for the new year (:
I guess that should be all that happened between this morning and just five minutes ago. I'm listening to the song 'Where Are You Christmas?' again. It really does seem to call to me this year. Maybe it's because I've lost Christmas. And frankly, I don't know if I want to even bother looking for it again next year. But maybe next year will be different aye? But then again, maybe not. Hahas. We'll just have to wait and see how things turn out. Oh, I'm also going to start a list of things that I'm not going to do and a list of things I am going to do next year. For instant, staying off Messengers and Multi Player games are two items on the list of things that I'm not going to do. I guess with so much time spent on gaming and waiting for people to come online, I've lost myself. Writing my stories again is definitely going on the list of things that I need to start doing next year. My stories have probably caught mold and I need to start cleaning them up again. I at least plan to finish one story, which of course is worthy to me, by the end of next year. It would most probably be Will You Stay? because I don't think I would be able to finish the Jeremy and Penelope story by the end of next year. Especially since I may possibly re write the story to iron out some kinks (: We'll see how it goes. I hope, it would go well.
I should be getting ready now. We're going to be heading how in another half an hour and I need to do my make up again. Curling of my eyelashes do indeed take up a lot of time. Hahas. But I think trying to stick on fake ones are going to result in pain and much more time wasted. Hence I'm sticking to curling my eyelashes manually. Hahas. So, maybe I'll blog about Dinner tomorrow or the day after. After all, it's only three days before the weekend is here. And another six days before the end of the year is upon us. I must start on those lists soon. Hahas. So I'll get going. Thanks for stopping by. Take care and God Bless.
Amanda Loves You (:
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