Good morning.
Yes, it has been a while since I have had a blog. My last one, which was wishfully paradise has been abandoned, in lieu for this new blog which, as the blog address is, totally, fully and sinfully about me. No, I'm not about to spill all my dark secrets here for you. You'd need to work your way up the friendship ladder for me to tell you my darkest secrets. By the way, if you still haven't figured it out, Amanda means Worthy to be Loved. Maybe mummy thought I was made to be loved; but I really beg to differ. Nevertheless, it is my name, and those of you who know me, know I love my name. Despite the numerous jokes surrounding it. Amanda has a pretty ring to it doesn't it? (:
This blog probably marks a new chapter in my life. A new beginning hopefully. No, I'm not entering University. That's the NEXT chapter of my life. This chapter, I'm going to work on changing my life. Not to mention the places I frequent, the things I believe in and most of all, I'm going to try and find that little girl that I lost during the years. So much has happened since my last blog, even since my last fervently kept blog, that I really, don't know where to begin. Let's start with the biggest part of my life now, my job.
I finally packed up my things and left the Events Company I was working for. It didn't matter if the pay was going to be lower, if the working hours were going to be longer, or if I was going to have to go further away for a new job, I just HAD to get out of that Company. And so I am here, at my current workplace. [you may realize why there are no names mentioned, because i don't exactly want people to goggle something and find my blog by accident. who knows who could be lurking out there waiting to find someone to kill?] So far it has been rather smooth sailing. It probably would so a lot smoother if I weren't so easily annoyed. Hahas. But that's what makes me isn't it? Nevertheless, I'm trying to be less annoyed and more understanding. And then more tolerant when my understanding becomes a 'go ahead' to push me around and put me down. Yes, my mp3 has been playing Praise and Worship songs for the past week or so. It seems only music can make me slightly more tolerant and Praise and Worship Songs make me tolerant and less annoyed. Aside from that, most things are going smoothly and I am much happier here than I ever was at the Events Company. Maybe sometimes good things do come from taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone. Still, don't expect me to continue doing it. As you know, my mind probably would go into over drive thinking through the pros and cons, and then making long lists which I can never remember and stressing myself out for no reason whatsoever. But I must say, that this risk has been so far the best bet ever.
Other parts of my life really do pale in comparison to the amount my work takes up. Trust me, even the church going part of my life doesn't compare. But anyhow, let's continue there next. I'm sure, if you've known me from before I disappeared from the blogging community, there was a whole load of things going on in the church I was attending. Anyhow, no names are going to be mentioned here. Nicknames, probably. But definitely not real names, aside from my own since this IS my blog and unless you happen to be below average and think some random chick is talking about my life like how I would, there shouldn't be any problems (: So church. Last weekend was probably, hopefully and wishfully the last time I would be involved in a major church event. By being involved, I mean helping out behind the scenes. Running around like mad people trying to get everything in order and being at the event, basically. The whole weekend itself was a total bust. Not the event mind you, it was pretty much well planned and thought out, it was just for me, that the weekend sucked big time. Saturday cake wrapping was indeed a total failure. God knows why I was so moody, because for the life of me, I just didn't know why! Maybe I am becoming a loner or as I like to put it at times, someone who prefers the plain silence to the colourful noise of our world today. And yet, I still had my mp3 playing in one ear. I guess for me, it's just the non human contact at times. But we'll analyze that in the future. Or rather, I'll analyze that in the future and you'll just read it if I ever decide to post it on here. So back to Saturday. Dinner was a little better, although I didn't eat much. Didn't really have that much of an appetite. Went home at around 8 or 9, after which me and mummy went to bed. It was a really tiring day since I had gone back to work in the morning. And before I knew it, it was already Sunday. I couldn't go get my hair done because the lady who does my hair wasn't at work today. And yes, I don't trust anyone else with my hair xP So everyone got ready, and we left early for church. The plan with the jeans had changed due to circumstances so I was in my boots and black skirt. I would've loved to wear a black top to complete the look but it wouldn't have looked really good seeing as it was more of a celebration than a funeral. The Dedication Mass was indeed spectacular. I would comment on the dressing of the Altar Servers, but there really isn't much to say, is there? We saw a few people; seeing as how we were sitting right in front. I saw a few people, and a certain someone. And trust me, my previous outrageous and stupid hallucinations have been silenced, hanged and thrown out to sea. There's only one man now who has my heart; and I pray everyday that he'll come back to me the same man. But I'll dwell more on that later, if you're interested. After mass, it was the dinner. Caught up with an old friend from a few years back whose now frequenting another church. Made more friends at my table, people my own age. And then there always has to be the guy spotting. How could I resist when he was just sitting there waiting to be stared at. And with that voice, I could have melted there. It's quite unfortunate that I do not know the man who took the last group photo. I mean, I did take the photo but it wasn't my camera. It really is heart breaking, but I'm sure, I'll find out how to get a picture to add to my collection. Hahas. Amanda the boy fanatic. That's me isn't it? (: After mass we headed home, and went to bed immediately. It was a good thing I didn't drink, otherwise I would've been up half the night and then gone to work a zombie. Not very good for good work performance. But the morning after was good although I must say, his face was still in my mind. You know, I hate the way he looks at me like I'm suppose to do something. Or the way he looks at me blankly. So yes, we shall move on to my obsession with boys.
Most of you who know about my last affair; it's still going on. Although there have been many other possible affairs that came along the way; I guess I finally figured out what this heart of mine wants. But sometimes, you can't help but question yourself if it's the right thing to do you know. Or if you're choosing the right man. It's hard I suppose, but love is about making choices right? Don't marry the man you can live with; but marry the man you can't live without. And I must say that it has been hard trying to figure out who I couldn't live without. And even now, sitting here, I'm wondering if I made the right choice to wait for you. But I guess since I smile every time I think of you; between the two of us; I'm sure it'll work. i love you and i miss you baby.
What else is there in my life now? I've started gaming again, and this time only with Matt as company. And possibly Xuan who I still love even if we talk like only once in a month. But aside from these two people; no one else knows. Because I don't trust anyone else to not make me cry. Aside from gaming, there has been the one time real clubbing experience with a new friend I made at work. We went to DxO; the new one by the bay. It was pretty small, but it was definitely fun. Met a few of her friends, and her boyfriend. I found a new alcohol I like; whisky. It's sweet too and a little stronger than gin I think. Anyhow, I am definitely going to go clubbing again. Now only if I could find people to go with me. Hehes. I guess that is about it for now. I'll try to blog on a daily basis, or a weekly basis. Depends on how much time I have with work and everything else in my life (:
So I guess this is it. I'm going to game for a while, before it's bed time. And then it'll be Sunday and then Monday again. But it'll be good because mummy's coming for lunch on Monday (: So I'll update you again at a later date. Take care of yourself! And a quote from the movie "The Pursuit of Happiness" 'Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something. If you have a dream; you gotta protect it.'
Amanda loves you (:
