Good Morning.
Yes, I'm yawning away and yet I am still here. No, I didn't attend the Easter Vigil and yes, I just watched "The Notebook" again. I was bored I suppose, and decided to see if the DVD could work on my laptop. Apparently it does. I'm crying by the way, if you are interested to know. I didn't count the number of times I cried during the movie, because if I watched it again, I know I'd cry again. Maybe at the same parts, maybe at different parts. No one is taking count right? So there really wasn't a need to keep track, when no one else does. The only thing or rather, person, that didn't change was the one who I thought about during the movie. It's still Johnny. I don't know why, I really don't. I chalked it up to the uniform and then moved it on to the way he talked. After which, I moved it on to the accent which is only slightly similar after further and deeper contemplation. Or maybe that was how I pictured him being. The way he walked, the way he worked, the way he loved. I still remember the dreams we made together, during the late nights I stayed up with him. Or the late nights he stayed up with me. The wishes, vows and promises we made. The endless declarations of love. And then, watching the movie made me think about what we were all about.
We never even saw each other before. Pictures never really do their owners any favours do they? We never went out on a date. We never held hands. We never hugged. We never looked at the stars at the same time. We were never less than 10 miles away from each other. If it's true love though, does the distance matter? I don't think it would have, because it didn't matter to me then. What would've happened if he never left, or if I never acknowledged my traitorous heart. Would I be talking to him now? Just laughing and being content just talking with him? Would I watch the show and then tell him how much I missed him and how much I love him? Or would these thoughts still cross my mind, about true love, and if that was what happened between us.
Does the desire to be in love make us blind to what is actually happening before us? I think I do want to fall in love again. To have the feeling of utter happiness. Utter contentment with life. To never want to stop smiling because someone loves me. But that just makes me want what I had before, because the future is too far away. This growing old and being tired really is beginning to annoy me. Hence I cannot ignore the fact that my brain has shut down and that I need the much desired rest my body requires. Maybe I'll delve into this again another day. Or maybe, everything that is running through my mind right now shall stay there. Maybe one day, one day I'll figure all this out and be able to smile always. But for now, it's toddles. The bed beckons and my mind retreats.
Amanda Loves You (:
