Nothing but memories live forever.

It's the eve of voting day here and yet, there are more pressing issues on my mind. The past week has been an intense one. It marked both the beginning of my examination week, my last examination period for quite some time (if I have anything to say about it), and the ending of a wonderful, 11 or maybe it has only been 10 years. I must admit that I find myself now, much calmer, less emotional than I was just mere 24 hours ago. No, I don't think you'll find much of me ranting or raving about my out-of-control emotions. I've spent my emotional anger else where, where I had someone who held me (even if not physically) as I laid myself bare.

Maybe I still am a little upset at the turn of events. Upset about the first event that started this chain of events. I know it had been weighing on my mind ever since, well, I can't pinpoint an exact time when it was fed into my consciousness. I just knew that this couldn't, wouldn't last forever. That everything had to come to an end one day. Maybe I'm upset over the timing and yet, how can I be upset about the timing? Is there ever a proper or convenient time to put someone you love out of their misery? Granted I can't say if he is miserable, I just wish, maybe that I had more time with him. More time to just sit and stroke him, or maybe more time to talk to him like how I used to. Maybe I'm angry at myself for growing up, for forgetting about him.

I hadn't shed a tear all day, thinking that maybe I've exhausted my tear ducts yesterday night. Yet now, the tears come and I can't stop them. Well, I don't need to stop them. The ache is gone though, it's just the knowledge that he's not going to be there the next time I find someone special. Or when it's late at night and no one's at home, and he rubs against me just to let me know I'm not alone. Maybe I'm moving through the grieving process, slowly but surely.

It's hard to wonder if this happen, to make us stronger. Because I'd willingly be weak than to grow this way. I don't know what else I'd rather endure than this. We never really know what we can endure until we actually experience it. Just 24 hours ago, I thought I wouldn't get through this. That it would, might be an impossible task. And then, I sit here now, thinking and the ache isn't there. It's like a healed wound that tingles when you run your finger over it. Emotional scars aren't all that different from our physical ones. They all leave a scar but they do heal and eventually, we will be able to look back on them with a smile and be thankful for the lessons it taught us and the growth it's made us endure.

I don't know if I have the ability or strength to write a story for him like I did two years ago. Maybe I will do it after my examinations end, so I at least am able to write something that is close to my heart and not something that is rushed through while at the back of my mind, I'm wondering if I'm taking too long and how it will affect the time I have left to study. Maybe this will even push me to finish my stories. There is always a silver lining to any unfortunate incident. Maybe that is how we are suppose to grow, by looking for the silver lining and growing to accept.

I should go to bed now, because I have work tomorrow. I still have plenty of work to revise but I will be taking tomorrow evening off. I'm hoping no one will be home to witness my unglamorous falling apart. Maybe the tears will heal the wound and it will be a bright day on Monday.

You will always be loved Pharaoh, and you will always have a place in my heart.