Good Morning.
It's funny how in a span of less than twenty four hours, my life could go from unnormally high to believeably low. Yes, it is quite puzzling if I might say so. I guess, due to the fact that my life is currently in the dumps and doesn't look to be perking up anytime soon, I might just decide to stay in during lunch and as I normally do, sulk for no apparent reason. That is, to anyone who isn't aware of what happened last night. I'm not particularly sure if I want to say what happened last night, seeing as how I have a suspicion someone who I once wanted to find ths site, has found it. And who now, is currently in my book of 'People to ban from my blogspace'. Unfortunately, I'm totally in love with my blog address and thus am very unwilling to change it. Even if it is to just a different format of writing it. I refuse. Thus, I shall leave part of yesterday night out. But then again, maybe I do want you to know. Or maybe, I'm just a cold hearted bitch who wants to inflict as much pain on you as you've gone and inflicted upon me. I'm a sadist like that.
I should try, for the sake of my own sanity, to recall the at least happy time I had last night out with Tasha. We went clubbing as usual and yes, it felt good to be the youngest in the group. Not to mention, one of the only three girls who were with the group. Now, all I need to do is just find more friends who aren't like the ones I have now. The club was packed and I really wished we had the seats we did when we first went to the place. The Arena, if any of you are wondering. Yes, I would believe it to be the higher end cause if I'm not wrong, guys need to be 23 for entry. But then again, that may be wrong information. You should know that you are not to believe amanda when she tells you information about clubs, because she's more often than not, wrong. Anyhow, the club was good. The dancing was good. And although I must admit that although my eye candy quota was filled by the guys in the group, it was quite sad to notice that there were not that many other cute guys to drool over. Unless of course you consider Tasha drooling over Beyonce's body. Hahas. Tasha once again tried to shuffle. And I would've tried it to, if I wasn't so worried about embrassing myself. That and I was in high heels. Kind of hard to shuffle in them, even though the notion in itself sounds pretty simple to me. Maybe I might just kick ass if I decide to wear sneakers the next time we go clubbing. You never know. The world is full of stupid unexplainable stuff! Anyhow, after clubbing, we each went our own way. I believe the guys were heading for another club and although I would've loved to join them, I was actually already yawning. And no, my feet were not hurting yet! Amazing, I know. So I got forced into a cab by Tasha and her sister. Decided to be nice and tip the uncle, although it was only merely a dollar and more. I'm not exactly the richest girl in Singappore, you know. Then decided to try and catch up with Matt who left his computer turned on again. Decided to jump into bed instead of waiting for him to reply.
After I woke up in the early afternoon, I cannot really say that everything went wrong immediately after because I did have a nice lunch. Chicken Rice and dessert. And then, I started on my story. Up till now, I'm still baffled at how the story could have been corrupted. I mean, it really simply isn't possible in any way or form in my mind. Yes, the story which I have been working on for the past three to four years of my life was gone in the blink of an eye, literally. Not to mention the last chapter, which by far was my most beloved chapter. I can tell you now how it hurts to have lost a baby. Something you've carried for nine months, feeding it, caring for it. I can tell you how it hurts to have lost a child. Something you've come to want to protect, to clothe it, to nurture it's growth. It really hurts and nothing can really ease the pain. Well, it was actually worse than that considering I realized something before I actually lost my story but I don't really want to go into that, because my eyes are already too small. I don't want to make it worse by crying. So yes, I've lost the baby I've carried for at least four years and let me tell you, it hurts. Very badly. I guess, all I can really do now is to continue writing and hopefully I'll produce something as amazing as the original. After all, it is only another four or more chapters before the story is wrapped up, and then it's sequal in the making! In a sick, sadistic, awkward way, I guess at least now I've got something to lead me back to my passion for writing and for life. Although this had led to a damper in my spirit for reading, I'm sure it will all come together. Actually, wait. I'm not sure it'll all come together. I just hope to God that it will. Because I'm sure my mother will kill me if I don't at least read three quarters of the books I had bought. Hahas. So I suppose that is about all I'm going to talk about my story. Because it still hurts, knowing I've lost the last chapter. The one I had worked so hard to get it down. But I guess, everything does happen for a reason doesn't it? Even if the reason is a very much sadistic one.
Well, I've decided not to go out for lunch and to be anti social. It's quite nice to be alone in the office with your music blasting and not worry about anyone complaining. I'm eating an orange by the way. It's pretty sweet and I hope all these oranges I'm eating don't land me in the sick bed before the new year ends. Talking about the new year, I am totally dreading the Reunion Dinner. I'm sorry but I'm not one to be able to smile and pretend I don't hate your guts just for the sake of a public event. That is why, I have decided to buy a bottle of whisky and reward myself for being such a good girl for attending the dinner. At least then, I'll have something to smile about during dinner and during all the awkward moments where I imagine killing someone whose, unofortunately, related to me. The awkward moment comes in when I have to smile and pretend I just want to eat my food and not want to kill the forementioned relative. I am pretty sadistic aren't I? All this talk about killing when I'm suppose to be attending a much celebrated event such as a Reunion Dinner. If only all our dead relatives could come back from the dead, then it would really be a Reunion Dinner! Ok, I know that would just be freaky and thus I'm not going to mention it to mother. Because she has already shouted my head off when I called the Reunion Dinner stupid. She must be stressed about not being able to work and being forced to attend by my lovely, or maybe not so lovely, grandmother. It's quite sad really, but you know. Life sucks.
Anyhow, this would be the third new year that I'm going to be single. Yes, single. And if you had any notions that I was attached before, don't ask me about it unless you're equiped to handle a crying and immature amanda. So I'll be single during Valentine's Day as well, pretty sweet huh? I'll probably be going to watch 'Jumper' with mother anyhow, so I won't be alone on Valentine's Day. At least on the bright side, I wouldn't be over indulging in ice cream and crying my eyes out and wishing I had kicked Alex where it hurt before I stormed away from him. Because that would've been a memory to keep. That or screwing up Nic's life worse than how it was because you know, I'm sadistic like that. Ok, I know I'm like this really evil person now who is only thinking of inflicting pain on the people around me so if you're smart, stay away for your own good. Really. Because I will not be held responsible for my actions. So, I am single. Ok, I'm going to distract myself with something else now because I don't particularly want to dwell on the fact that I am single, thank you very much.
Thanks for dropping by to find out how I am. And if you want to make me feel better, any item on my wishlist would do. Unless you'd like to introudce a guy to me who isn't a jerk, that's very much welcomed as well. So, do leave a comment or a present at my door step if you must (: take care and god bless! You'll always be in my prayers.
Amanda Loves You! (:
