Good evening.
It has been almost a week since I blogged. I was thinking of blogging last Saturday, but I was busy dancing with Sasa. Then Tuesday was the graduation night and the sleepover, which meant I didn't have my laptop with me and that I didn't come home. And yesterday, I just came home and slept. Tuesday did take more out of me than I thought. As you can see, a lot has happened since the last time I blogged. As well as hearing from that someone whose not that far away from me now and yet, he is still is far away from me. The world really is too big for it's own good. Previously, I would probably blog about what happened during dancing, the grad night, the sleepover, the morning after and then him. But I think I'll touch a little before jumping into my discussion topic for today. Which by the way, is about me trying to find someone special for me this Christmas.
Dancing was fun, as usual. Met more new people. Ok, one new person. The other one didn't count because he was freaky and sneaky. Hahas. I must say I did have fun and I do look forward to more dates to go dancing. At least that's one way I can have fun in my boring life. Graduation night was fun, extremely. But don't I always have fun when I'm with them? Hahas. I need to expand my make up collection. So I'm definitely adding that to my wish list, so that someone out there would buy me a voucher or something. Hahas. There are so many new things I want to buy! It's almost too many to buy at one shot. Not including the fact that I probably wouldn't have enough money. Hahas. There are just too many things to buy x) The sleepover was interesting. Night time talks in the dark are fun, especially people who you cherish. And yet, I couldn't get you out of my mind. But that's for later, let me continue first. The morning after was funny and then lunch was good. Well, there really is nothing much for me to say about work. Only that, that one week without her, was an absolute and total mistake because I can't seem to be around her anymore! Well, I never smile when I'm around her. It's almost like I can't. And yeah, it may be me but who really cares? Because if you don't know by now that I really don't like people who hurt me, I might probably not like you very much. So enough about her, because even talking about her is making me roll my eyes. Hahas. On to my topic of discussion which I have been thinking about since Tuesday, which brings the total day count to 2. That's yesterday and today, in case you can't count.
You shouldn't really be jealous of your friends or what they have between them should you? Because I can say, with a truthful heart, that I was jealous Tuesday night. And oh my goodness, just thinking about him being at least 10 countries away from me just made me want to cry that night in the hotel. Which wasn't really good because they were sleeping in the bed beside me and they would have heard the sobs. And then, the image shifts and changes and another face pops up. How many boys can a girl love at once? Don't ask me, because I don't know. I miss them both equally, almost. I love them both, for their different traits. And I can't choose between them because my heart can't decide. I can safely cross out the third boy, simply because he probably doesn't like me anyway. And I don't think I like him in that way anyway. Because he's probably like an older brother to me, someone who made me smile when all I did was cry. So, the image shifts and then a memory brings back a boy from the past. No, I think I am thoroughly over NC. He's not worth it. A boy who puts himself before anyone else, isn't worth it. Although I am still pondering on why my heart aches when I see him, and when he looks at me and looks away. Every time I am determined to wait for the one who says he loves me, to come back to me, someone else comes along and tempts me. And it's so easy to follow temptation when your heart is almost crying out for someone to love you. But I guess, it means something when at the end of everyday, he's the only one in my thoughts. If he's safe. If he's sleeping. If he's thinking about me like he said he would. The urge to cry every night, is really overwhelming. And I don't know, if that someone does come along before he returns. Someone who'd love me or promise me something I've always wanted, would I wait or would I go. So far I've waited, and my heart aches and eyes hurt. But you know me, men and boys alike run off the moment I start being attached emotionally. It's almost like I'm just something, or at least someone they can just have around for the fun. Which hurts by the way. I don't know much really. I do know that I miss you, a lot. A whole lot. Well, Christmas is around the corner isn't it? Maybe miracles do happen during Christmas. Or maybe God feels extra generous during Christmas and showers more miracles down on us. Hahas. I should be jumping over to my e-mail to send him a letter because he did ask for one. So, I'm stopping here for now. And maybe another conversational topic would hit me in the next few days. And before I go, a message for my special someone. I miss you, J.
Well, I guess that is about all. The date with the girls are confirmed on the Friday before I need to go back to work on Saturday. I've decided not to cut my hair, but I am deciding to do something else with it. Hahas. I'm determined to get more make up. And I guess that's about all that has been up with me. Oh, movie next week with the two of them which I'm looking forward to (: And yes, I think that is about it. Hahas. I'm off to play some games. I think I'll postpone that letter because I'm not feeling exactly happy at the moment. Especially not after all this talk about my aching heart. If you're reading this love, I'll write you soon. I promise. So, this is me getting out of here. I'll hope to see you soon, and I really am beginning to think that no one is reading this blog. Hahas. But that's better for me so I don't have to worry about saying anything that might upset anybody because nobody is reading. Hahas. I'll see you soon, I hope. Take care and God bless.
Amanda Loves You (:
