People don't really change

I don't think I've changed much at all. When I get to the end of the rope, all I want to do is let go rather than hold on and wait for help. Because maybe I know help isn't coming, life isn't a fairy tale.

I once read in a book, indifference is a worse way to hurt someone than hate. Because even with hate, you still feel something. But when you are indifferent, there is just no feeling. 

So many days I wish I had the means to run away. Just leave it all behind. Most days the easiest thought is death because there is no turning back after that. There's no changing your mind and deciding you can live with your current circumstances. 

No escaping reality

I started on a post on Monday, while I was in Phuket, enjoying the sea breeze and sun. Then I got distracted and never finished it. Now, I'm back home and all the carefree & happiness I felt while on the beach has disappeared in the blink of an eye.

You can't escape reality. You can try and run from it. Take a 1 hour flight to another country. Tell yourself that everything is okay and life's too short to be upset at stupid shit. Spend your days without a schedule and enjoy every moment. But the minute you slow down, reality catches up to you and dumps a pail of ice cold water over you. 

Some times I really wish something bad would happen to me. Just so I don't have to continue to deal with the stupid things happening around me. 

Healing from a sun burn sucks. But at least when the skin starts peeling, you know you're almost out of the tunnel. 

I'm just going to go. I don't really know why I thought writing about it would help. All I've done is just make myself cry even further with feelings of frustration and anger. Maybe I need another form of therapy.