Good evening.
It's officially been two weeks since I last blogged. And I am quite certain that no one is reading this blog. Not anyone who cares enough to leave a comment, anyway. But whatever, I can now rant over and over about the same issue and no one's going to tell me to get a life, because no one is reading this blog. Many, many things have happened these past two weeks. Some, most are happy memories. A few are memories best forgotten to the folds of time. Although the noise outside the room isn't helping, the banging of chairs and re arranging of furniture. And then, there are a few recent memories which I would like to now forget. Anyone thinks a gun would help?
I am still unfortunately looking for love in all the wrong places. hahas. But you could say that I haven't been looking. Either I've been too lazy or I really cannot be bothered. Not at the moment anyway. I've heard from that boy across the sea. However it was a rather short note, but I guess he was busy. Just like how everyone is when it comes to Amanda. Replied to him and then sent out another letter to a friend whom I've not seen in a long time. That was after I came home from a dinner date with Tasha and her boyfriend. And seeing them, just makes me want to bury myself in a dark hole and cry. You're not suppose to be jealous of your friends are you? No, says my conscious mind just as my subconscious mind echos it's sentiments. I'll still go out with them, both couples. I'll still smile, and laugh. I'll still busy myself with my phone, and look the other way. I'll watch longingly from the sidelines, and be glad that love is still present in our world today. Nothing much has happened in the love department, as mentioned earlier. Yeah, I'm still waiting for the boy who everyone says is going to break my heart. I met Sara again, a friend from long ago. A past where I smiled, was happy and never cried. She still makes me smile, blush and wish I didn't love him as much as I do. I'm sorry if I disappoint you Sara, but I'm not the good girl you make me out to be. Well, it was refreshing talking to her since I've about lost all contacts with people from my wonderful, happily fake past.
Tomorrow is the big planned outing with the girls. Again, the sense of disappointment grips at me and a small voice in my head says it'll all go wrong, and I'll end up in tears again tomorrow night. But it's not only the disappointment now. Because I know, I don't want to see her. Maybe I'm being petty. Maybe I'm being stupid. Maybe I'm being jealous. There are so many things I could be. But at least, I'm honest to the people I love. Though I doubt she even considers me her friend. Or maybe she's becoming more like them, and it's a defence mechanism to lock myself away from her. After all, it's not like I haven't been burnt. And not once, but twice. I rather be alone, trying to make myself happy or screwing myself over, than to let someone else do the job. I don't know why I invited her in the first place. I'm mad, I know. I did take at least a week to think about it. And then I did it that Saturday I was celebrating. She might have not been able to make it, but the other girl talked her into coming. And I'm really not sure what I am feeling now. No, there isn't anyone else but this blog I can talk about this. Because my mother will probably say, 'I told you so' because she's still upset about what happened on my birthday. I can't talk to the girl I rant to about, because I don't know what she'll say. She may defend her, she may not. But I'm not one to turn a friend against another. It just isn't right. No matter what the situation. How do I get myself into these situations I really have no idea. I guess I'll just have to sleep on it, and hope for the best tomorrow. Not to mention, I am broke after shopping with mother just now so I don't know how much we are going to be doing tomorrow. Although I am pretty optimistic with the nail polishing. And a funny story, a girl's sister wouldn't lend her the nail polish. I could think of a few reasons why, but it's not really nice to reveal how evil people really are. Unless of course you're talking about yourself or Hitler. Or those who have lived, made a mark and then died. They can't do much to you but curse and swear at you from where they are. hehes. Ok, I'm trying to rabble so I perk myself up. It's amazing how I can bring myself up and then bring myself down again. It really is truly amazing how the human mind works. Or rather, how my mind works. But on to another topic.
I went shopping today with mother. Well, I did a little shopping with Tasha yesterday, but I went back to buy the dress I saw. And I ended up with three dresses and one top (: and a necklace for Saturday's dinner. After all, a girl's gotta be at her best at a party right? One dress is green, a sweet child like green for this Saturday's dinner. A bright blue halter like dress for hopefully, partying or more casual social events. A brown dotted dress for definite casual wear as well for work. And the final blouse, definitely for clubbing. I mean, it is laced up in front. A definite party wear don't you think? (: And talking about clubbing, I really am getting into this whole clubbing thing. Although after reading an article on the bad habits of drinking. I think I would start sleeping from 10pm to 3am on normal days. And on those days I club, I guess it can't be helped. Hahas. But it's good I hardly do most of the stuff, aside from the drinking. I would most definitely not go to bed with my make up. It'll run all over on my bed! And there is no way I'm going to take up smoking. I'm sorry love, but if you want a girl who smokes, bark up someone else's tree. And yes, I know my friends smoke. It's amazing I don't, but I have a grand uncle whose dying of lung cancer. I don't intend to go that way. I'm not cursing people mind you, I actually do love the people I know who smoke like my friends, but I'm not going to take it up anytime soon. So if you want a girl who smokes, bark up another tree. Drugs is a definite no no. hahas. It's not really the cost of the drugs, it's more of the I'd rather buy shoes with the cash. hahas. Yeah, that's amanda for you. The weird little girl whose in her own world half the time x)
It is almost 11.30pm. And I have found a route to Thomson Plaza tomorrow. So I should be heading to bed. For some beauty sleep and to rest my mind. Because I'm waiting almost anxiously at the computer for a message to pop up from him. And it's quite bad since I get grumpy when I don't get a mail. Hahas. Ok, I'm going then. I'll try and blog sooner. But I've been really busy. And with work? I'm beginning to love my work again, and the new girl is absolutely wonderful! hehes. We'd see how life picks up after this, I hope. Take care, if you're reading this. I'm outta here. Be back soon hopefully. Oh, and if anyone is interested, I'm going to start writing again. Adrian and Heidi. They're going to be happy eventually, but right now, they're going to have to work for it. Nothing in this world comes for free. Not even love. And with that, I'm gone!
Amanda Loves You (:
