Late night musings.

It's always the case that I can never get to bed on time if I need to be up early the next morning. However, if I have absolutely nothing lined up for the next day or I just feel lazy, I can be in bed at about 10pm! Sometimes, it's these wonders in life that just keep us wondering.

It's almost one am and for the life of me, I have no idea why I'm still here instead of snuggled under the covers and sleeping! The physical confirmation of my up coming examinations came in the mail today. It's like, even after paying my examination fees in January, the preliminary papers during March or even these few weeks of intense revision, and the fact that my examinations are looming just right around the corner didn't really sink in until I slit open the envelope. Or maybe, it did and I'm just trying to kid myself. That aside, I've never really been this worried before. It's like, I'm so worried I'm all ready to give up! That's my panic speaking but sometimes, it's so hard to turn a deaf ear and just continue working onwards especially when you come to an obstacle that just makes you rethink your decision. Every time I think about life, in general, I always remember that deaf frog. That kept on hopping until he reached the very peak of the mountain. No, I can't remember what he was actually hopping to the top for but only that he made it. When no other frog could, what no one thought a frog could do. All because he was deaf, and couldn't hear what everyone else was saying. All the whispers in the wind of how it was impossible. The whispers of how others before have failed so miserably. The whispers of how if someone so great couldn't do it, what made a mere lowly frog like him think he could do it? Maybe there are times in life when we need to turn a deaf ear. A deaf ear to the not so encouraging comments. The comments that make us doubt ourselves. The comments that make us think twice about what we are about to embark upon. The comments that plant that seed of doubt in our souls.

In every point of our lives, we always get asked this one question. What do you want to do? As a child, we've thought of the people we've heard of who have done wonderful things. Like walk on the moon, or flying an aircraft. Or of those whom we look up to, a teacher, a mother, a father. Or people who have done brave things, a firefighter, a policeman. Then, I suppose we all at one point or rather go through the 'I just want to be a bum' phase. I know I did. I think I still do but I'm trying to work myself out of that phase. We just want to stay home all day, doing the mindless things we love and just, not having to have any responsibilities. And as we grow up even more, we're forced to really think about our future. Especially when other people around you are achieving their milestones. More often than not, I think, I fall into my own thoughts of the people around me. What's happening in the world today, and what others are achieving for themselves. I can't say I've regretted anything I've done that have led me to where I am today. I don't wish I had got better marks for my 'O' Levels because it was always a dream to studying in that Junior College. Although the experience didn't turn out as well as I had hoped, I still don't regret it because, I did have some fun times there. Some people I've met there, that although I don't keep in close contact with, I still cherish for the memories they've given me. The choices I took to put my studying on hold, the jobs I decided to take, the courses and school I decided to further my studies in. It's like, there are times (I won't deny it) where I wish I had dome just something, one thing, any thing differently. Then, I wonder about how my life could have been different. How I might have missed meeting some of the people I've met. I think I do believe a little in fate, meaning there are people in our lives who will be in our lives regardless of the choices we have made. Though I think, the choices that we make, shape the way we meet these people and that in itself shapes the friendships and relationships we form with them. I don't really regret much of my life until now. It's just that sometimes, I wish I had more drive. Or maybe I haven't found that one thing that I'm willing to go the distance for. Or maybe, I just need a new spark in life. Some thing that can maybe point me in the right direction because every direction I turn in now, is just a dark path leading into darkness.

Well, I should be going to bed. I suppose I will be back soon. I think I need to let off more, feelings. Things are going right, things are going wrong and everything is happening so quickly, I don't even have time to catch my breath. Thank you for reading and, I'll be back soon.