What is Life?

Good Morning.

It is indeed a Saturday morning and I am at work. It's my duty this week and although I did come back during the first week of November which was when I fell and scraped my knee again, I need the extra time to cover up my MC on Wednesday and the future leave I will be taking next week. Ah yes, I love coming to work on Saturdays. The office is quiet and I can work in peace. Only the radio playing in the background and the soft mumbling of the other co worker who is at the other end of the office. Perfect environment to get work done isn't it? Anyway, this week is going to indeed be an extremely hectic week. For one, my colleague beside me wouldn't be here the entire week. Which I am secretly glad because I indeed need time away from her. And thus I would be covering her duty. And believe it or not, I'm up for the challenge. And I'm also determined to get her work as well as my own work done! Hehes. Personal achievement if I may say so (:

Thinking back on starting this job. It has probably been the most fulfilling of the four jobs I've held so far. It's not the time span which I've been here because my first job, although for only a mere two months, I had the most fun there as well. Not to mention, I learnt about the world a lot more. Especially the working world, where back stabbing and sabotage results in much more dire consequences. I still remember when I first started my first job and throughout my other jobs, I always wondered why no one ever smiled in the early morning on the train, or the bus. Well, given that you did get a good night sleep before, shouldn't you be happy going to work? Because I did indeed love my jobs, the ones I've held before and the one I'm holding now. I mean, what good is a job if you're not having fun? Sure, some might say it's a job which is precisely why it isn't suppose to be fun. But if the job isn't fun, how do you put in your whole effort to create something that could be worthy of praise? Perhaps this view of mine, is thoroughly child like with views that haven't been corrupted by the vicious competition at the workplace. But I do believe that even at higher levels of corporate workings, if one doesn't enjoy what one is doing, how can one produce anything that is possibly worth of praise? And I'm sure if you actually do approach people who are working at much higher position that I am right now, you might find out that they too love what they are doing. Despite the pitfalls, drawbacks and failures that they may have encountered along the way. Although I admit, I am experiencing a slight burn out with regards to this job. I don't blame wholly the girl sitting next to me, although she doesn't hold a slight responsibility, I find that it's the working hours and the repetitiveness of the job. Even in our lives, we can not always be doing the same thing over and over again without getting bored. I'm sure even the most boring person in the world wouldn't like doing the same thing over and over again. But I do find that I still want to come to work. I like what I am doing, and I like that in the process of doing the job, I am able to meet more people and hopefully build up my interpersonal skills. I love admin work. And no, it isn't brain dead work all the time. And then, that brings me to my next question. What is Life?

Some religious people might say Life is just the process whereby we work towards the end of eternal life. The merits we work on earth would be tabulated at the end of our lives to see where we fit. And so Life in that aspect is just a journey whereby we accumulate good deeds that we have done and try our best to avoid doing anything bad, or evil. Some people believe that there isn't anything after Death and Life is meant to be enjoyed. Which includes doing anything that would increase your pleasure on this earth before the end is near, including unacceptable activities as perceived by society. Frankly, I don't know what to feel about Life, really. In this day and age, time is passing so quickly that we hardly stop to appreciate the gift of Life that has been bestowed upon us. The religious priests pray each morning, thanking God for allowing them another day of Life. Little children kneel by their beds in the evening, thanking God for the wonderful day that they had experienced. It's almost no doubt that religious priests don't falter in saying their morning and evening prayers daily. But as a child grows older and as his list of activities per day grows quicker than the hair on his head, how often do these children remember to kneel by their bed to thank God for the day that had been bestowed upon them? I admit, I'm guilty of dropping into bed and falling immediately asleep without a word of thanks to my creator for giving me the strength to complete the day. Or jumping out of bed and into the shower without even thanking him for giving me another day to experience the wonderful thing we call Life. And even if I might say that I would start, it does indeed take a whole lot of will power and sheer determination to set aside just five minutes a day, for the one who breathed Life into us. But back to the main topic here, about Life.

Life has been changing ever since the beginning of time. Well, that is my take anyway. The meaning of Life for woman in the past, let's say about a hundred years ago, meant growing up, learning the house chores, marrying that perfect guy who pleases your parents and then taking care of your own brood of children. But now, a woman is pride on her academic achievements, her ability to withstand a corporate position equal to man or simply the ability to juggle a career with children at home. On the other hand, our counterparts are striving for the highest position, with the highest pay. The one who is able to have a successful career and yet still be the perfect husband and father. How often do we rush to achieve these goals that we miss the whole point of Life, the roses which make up the bed of Life? Fathers miss their child's first step while away, half way across the world, on a business trip. Mothers miss their child's first word while working late on an important project. Parents miss the activities in their child's life while busy climbing the corporate ladder, trying to improve their quality of Life. I would indeed rather be poor and experience these small wonders which Life bestows upon us than slog half my life away, only to miss these wonders and constantly wonder what Life is all about. I must admit that even taking the train in the early morning is a wonder in itself. I mean, did you know that so many people could fit into one train carriage even when it was already bursting at the seams? Didn't think so. Or a child's wonder at seeing the world for the first time, it's eyes darting around to take everything in? Or a child's gleeful smile when not only his parents pay him the attention he wants? Many a time, we're cold reserved people when we're on the street. Smiles, laughter, caring touches reserved for the ones we love or the people we know. Have you ever thought of sharing these reserved affection for the people around you daily? The bus driver that takes you from downstairs your place to the train station. The person next to you whose on her way work. The colleague that passes you in the office, even if he isn't from your department. Is it really so hard to crack a smile, or are we in reality a cold and unfeeling race? I don't know. What I do know is that even if the human race is a cold and unfeeling race, I'm determined to make everyone I meet everyday smile. Even if they don't smile at first, it doesn't hurt me to smile at them (:

I must say, not the best debater at the moment. Never have been and probably never will be. So just let me reveal in the moments when I feel smart and when my mind is working. Hahas. Well, it is almost 11am and work ends at 12.30pm for me today. So I should return to my data entry. I'll promise to blog soon! And you may have noticed I didn't write much about my past few days because nothing much has happened because I've only been gaming and getting sick. Hahas. Maybe I'll elaborate in my next post. But for now, I'm outta here! See you! And thanks for dropping by. Do leave a comment! *poof*

Amanda Loves You (:

What does family mean?

Good Morning.

It's again an early morning post. 3 minutes to 11 and then an hour before we meet Sasa for lunch. And by we, I mean the girl sitting beside me and me. It has been a while since we've had lunch together. Yesterday being the first time in about 5 days. It wasn't too bad. No blood, unfortunately. But it was as cold as ever. ALthough I find that with detatchment, I'm less irritatible and annoyed. Anyway, at least there will be a buffer today. And I'm not really feeling up to conversation at the moment because I'm feeling a little light headed. Hope I'll be ok with a little sun and exercise. I feel like I'm moving in my seat, that and my head hurts. I seriously hope it's nothing. Because the last time I felt like this, I fainted, in the middle of a car park. Anyhow, more troubles are ahead for me, unfortunately.

First being the irritatible mother I have at work today. Somehow, I don't see how I can eridcate any of the blame off my grandmother's shoulders since after all, there isn't anyone else to blame there is there? Although blaming her, isn't as unreasonable as it may sound to be. After all, who leaves without helping with the clearing up? Sure, given she's old and needs rest, it's not like my mother's superwoman even when she tries to make it so. And yes, I am pissed off at that she has to try and be superwoman so that the other relatives in this big community we call Family, would be happy and keep their mouths shut tightly. But that is beside the point. The point here right now is that I'm actually annoyed at my grandmother for doing what she does. That and it's painfully obvious that she doesn't really care about our well being. But there are so many factors aren't there? And to even discuss this problem, would bring up a whole other string of problems which I have successfully managed to sweep under the rug. So I don't know. Somehow I just wish she would wake up one day and realize that we're doing the best we can to please her. While the rest of her family, note I said her and not mine, because really, I only have my mother as my family. And Pharoh of course. As I was saying. While the rest of her family just tries to act as though they are trying to please her or even care for her. I mean, giving her money is one thing but demanding she doesn't do this or that with the money should not be something a daughter or son does right? And no, I don't tell my mother what she can or can not do with the money I give her. And no, it's not because I'm not yet an official adult. Anyway, this light headed ness thing is making me sick. I think another paragraph and I'm off to rest a bit before lunch.

Heroes yesterday was a good show to have watched. It's settled though, that this Friday, we're going to check out the gym. I really, seriously need to start losing weight T.T Ok, I can't take this anymore. So I'm off. I'll be back tomorrow. Probably in the evening. I'm gone. *poof*

Amanda Loves You (:

Just another lazy Monday.

Good Morning.

It's only ten past eleven. Another fifty minutes before it's 12, and then another thirty minutes for it's time to head out for lunch and out of this stuffy office. Something has been triggering my nose the entire day. Or rather, the entire morning. Maybe I need some more heat and some sunlight. Should be good for me shouldn't it? (: Although I have been drinking hot warm water. It has helped a little, but I think a little sun could do me some good as well! Anyhow, it has indeed been a lazy Monday morning. Maybe not more lazy as it is boring. I find myself being bored at work constantly during the week now. It's pretty curious seeing as I do, indeed, have a lot of work to be done. Maybe I should ask for more work, hahas. I'm mad I know, but I really do hate not having anything to do. Gives me time to let my mind wonder. And I really, seriously, do not want to do that.

So I'm kind of back to square one with almost everything in my life. Let me list down the things for you. Church. Gaming. and Life. Yeah, that's basically about it. I don't really know where I am with the church now. Sure, I go for weekly masses and devotions. I pray, at most, weekly as well. I talk to him, constantly in my mind. But I don't know. Somehow I feel like I'm not back at square one, but rather, a step behind square one. I don't think there is anything that could make me join another ministry in the church. No, absolutely nothing. I wouldn't mind helping out with activities, like the up coming anointing mass in December. Or maybe the weekly projector project. Which by the way I've decided not to do because I would not subject myself to once again be under the scrutiny of a person, I had rather not have any contact with. I have thought of playing for the Tuesday Mass again. And monthly Friday Mass. But no, my love for music would not be destroyed by something I know I'm not good in. And even if I am determined to pick up the organ again. I wouldn't succumb myself to doing something I had rather not be doing. So basically it's the anointing mass. Yes, I like the people there so I wouldn't mind going the extra mile. It's all about who we love and who we don't isn't it? And they said money makes the world go round. pfffft. But that really is all I can see myself doing in the church anymore. No more Youth Meetings. No more Youth gatherings to attend. Nothing to do with the Youth or any other person that can't look at me in the eye. No. Why put myself through hell when I may even end up in hell in the end. Hahas. So yes, I actually don't mind being one step behind square one because maybe it means I'm away from the material world and closer to God. Possible no? Anyhow, the book, The Heart Breaker, is a good book if you're questioning your faith. Well, maybe not an overly fantastic book to help revive your faith but it does pull at your heart strings and make you aware of some things you may not have been aware of before. It is a good read I must say.

Talking about good reads. The national library has doubled the borrowing rate again! Yes, it is because of the December Holidays. I am so tempted to go borrow 8 books from the library! But I know that mother will be overwhelmed by the number of books which would then crowd her room so I've decided to read finish all the books I have on me, store them neatly and nicely, and then start borrowing more books! And I have decided that I will buy books from the jumble sale every year. That is why I need to start cataloging my books so that I wouldn't buy double copies even if they are at only twenty cents per book. So I really am going to start needing more space. A new cupboard perhaps? If any of you has seen my room, I may need to take down the step up photo, in lieu of a new cupboard. But I know I can't bear to. And if I paste them on my door, I wouldn't hang anything on the hooks. Hahas. So I am indeed in another dilemma. So many questions, so few answers. Hahas. Well, I'll figure it out somehow. Because there is absolutely no way I'm going to stop reading unless I'm broke or suddenly become blind. Which I hope not because I am planning to get a new pair of glasses. Anyway, this concludes my talk of my books. I really absolutely can't wait to read finish all my books! What an exciting goal isn't it? (:

Also another topic I want to bring up is my exercising routine! I swear, ever since I fell down, everything has been messed up! Although I am planning a trip down to the gym on Friday to check it out. And hopefully getting in about an hour of cycling. And muscle building if I can fit it in. Upper body of course, because my lower body would be cycling. And then I was thinking of making Saturday my exercising day. You know, wake up early morning, exercise, lunching with mother and then mass in the evening. But it's not like you don't know me. I don't like doing anything alone aside from going to the ladies. So I am trying to find people to exercise with! Anyone wanna join me? x) But aside from that, I'll try making it every Friday. At least that way, we wouldn't need to rush home to sleep or anything. Because the next day is Saturday. But it's not like we're going to be at the gym till really late. Hahas. They would kick us out! So hopefully it'll work out because omg, I need to lose some weight!

Gaming. I don't know what is up with me! I see them online and I'm resisting the urge to talk to them. So far it's worked a day. I hope it'll work until they forget me. Because no, I don't think I can go through another crying episode brought on by another's actions. I am thinking of dragging Monkey over to Fiesta with me but like Max and her, they'll out level me even before you can say Fiesta. Which actually does suck. Hahas. But it's ok. Wednesday, Saturday and Sundays are going to be my gaming days! How exciting. Hehes. Hope it would take my mind off SoF until the GMs shape up the game or we decide to jump back into the madness. By the way, I've stopped talking to Liyle as well. Yes, you don't want to know the reason. It's stupid, dumb, pathetic, and it's my reason. So yes, leave it alone. Other than that, we, the dynamic trio might start playing Seal Online as well. It looks cute, and I hope it isn't very different from Fiesta. Otherwise, I'm going to have a hard time coping! Hahas.

Anyhow, it is almost 12. Another 12 minutes and then half an hour to lunch! Neither Sasa or the clinic lady has replied me so we'll see how lunch goes. Because I don't think I can survive eating alone with her. I'll scream, cry and go mad. I'm serious T.T So, that's about it I guess. Nothing else important. Nothing else I need to say. So off I go to finish my statistics and I'll see you soon! Tomorrow perhaps. Unless I decide tomorrow is too boring to be blogged about then I'll jump straight to Wednesday. Or if I'm too busy gaming on Wednesday, maybe Thursday. Hahas. We'll see how it goes. But till then, don't miss me too much! Take care and remember, nothing is permanent. Not even your troubles!

Amanda Loves You (:

A night of absolute fun!

Good Evening.

Blogger is out to annoy me this evening. I've tried uploading my photos in a million and one different ways, and it still doesn't want to upload the photos! Frustrating, no? Anyway, the first photos I wanted to put up was the one I took at the Dinner and Dance, as well as me in the cheong sam. And although some of you may think I would probably not look nice in it, you could always skip the photo. Because there is no way I'll pay for your medical bills when you go for your eye surgery. Anyhow, since I am unable to upload the photos. I'll try again another day, when I'm not having a pounding headache and a long post ahead of me. So where shall we start before I decide that I've had enough fun for a day and go to sleep.

Yesterday was almost a dull day. If it wasn't for the fact that at 4pm in the afternoon, I was crying my eyes out and wanting just a bottle of whisky. It's scary how one night of partying can hook a person. But no, self control and tolerance, they shall be my only aid against the life I don't want to live. And by that I mean by being an alocohol addict. It's no fun, not when your liver is dead before your ready to go. So, I took the alternative route which was to cry my eyes out in the toilet, pass it off as banging my injured knee against the cupboard and going off to mass to stare blankly at the cross. Not exactly the most fun in the world, but I got through it. Don't ask me how because I had the urge to run down to the nearest store to buy a blade. The feeling of it against my skin again. It's almost like coming home, well, that is if your home is a rotten infested junk yard where everything smells and nothing is good. But no, like I said before, self control and tolerance. Self control of my urges and tolerance of myself. If everyone didn't have a small measure of self control or decided they should give in to their urges all the time, can you imagine how truly screwed up the world would be? Anyway, after mass I came home and decided I wasn't woman enough to log on to SoF, although I did quit from the house I was in. Yes, I was even bitchy enough to not give my equipment away to the girl who rubbed it in my face that she was attached. Hahas. Evil right? But I had to let it out somewhere. And besides, she probably thought nothing of it, so in essence, I'm off the hook! Maybe not, but yeah, I'm in denial about a lot of things, why not add this to the list! So then I caught up with Max. Love that guy. And he introduced me to Seal Online. Which opens on the 19th of November. Hahas. And then, we decided to play Fiesta. We being me, Max and that girl! Yes, I have lured her into the gaming world! Hehes. Well, we all downloaded the game and I immediately started playing with Max while the other went to bed. But enough of all this because my headache is getting worse so I'm going to skip to this afternoon and this evening's activities!

I seriously do not understand why they have to fight every Sunday. It's almost like a fucking ritual which I truly hate! Yes, after the fact of being annoyed that the skirt was tighter than it was before, I started crying. They both went out which meant that no one knew I was crying which was good. Except I was on my way out. So yeah, the blasting music helped. And talking to myself too. At least when I left the house, I didn't look like I just cried. So yes, this evening. It was an outing with that girl. Yes, the girl that's starting to game with me. Hahas. We met at CityHall, and then headed to The Big Durians. No, that's not the real name of the place. Hahas. And unless you're Singaporean, you wouldn't know what I mean. But if you really do want to know, leave a comment! xP We went to PopCorn and the Library. After which we walked to Suntec via Marina Square because she wanted to develop a photo. I developed a few of my photos too! Hehes. After the photo developing, we decided to go for dinner since I was hungry. PastaMania! I had my usual, Creamy Chicken while she had Ham and Cheese Baked Rice! After dinner, which we were throughly stuffed we decided to walk back to CityHall to head home. We made a detour on the way to CityHall to have ice cream! Then we walked to Marina Square via Suntec and then from Marina Square down the underpass. Unfortunately we got lost in the under pass and came up along the padang. HA HA. So she showed me a dark path through the padang where we had lots of laughs. And then walked by St. Andrews Cathedral after which we took the underpass directly to City Hall MRT Station! So then she said she was going to town to take a bus home and I said, why not just walk together afterall, I can take a train from town anyway and so our journey began! I have personally never walked from City Hall to town because it seems so far away. Although I do know how to get there by car since Mother drives from City Hall to town all the time with me in the car. So we take a walk outside RafflesCity when we see the beautifully lighted up tree and go take photos! I did want to post them up but yes, at the start of my post I did mention that blogger is determined to annoy me. Anyhow, we took photos and were on our merry way. We crossed the road to the side Carlton Hotel was on and walked along the semi dark path. She insists that it isn't so dark but it is dark because there aren't any bright lights. Anyhow, we make it through and we're crossing the road to the Administration building of SMU. We're also digaonally across from The Church of the Good Shepard I think. The 'I think' is for the name of the church xP So we then cross to that side of the road and walk down straight. PS. if you are lost, we're on the same side as the SMU Administration building. We walk on ahead and pass the old SJI Building. Or it is now being used as the Singapore Art Muesum. Hahas. I took a photo of St Joseph and then we saw a nice statue and decided to take photos with it! Yes, there were lots of photos but blogger insists that I put them up another day. After the short photo taking session, we continue our journey and pass by a CoffeeBean shop! Yes, I was so tempted to buy but I was pretty full so we skipped it and went on ahead. Finally, we reach Cathy. Took more pictures and also of the pretty lights outside Cathy! Pretty really. We went to 7-11 where I got strawberry milk and she got apple tea. Then we went to PS to find a bathroom cause yes, I have a stupidly small bladder T.T After that, she walked me down to the MRT Control Station where we took photos on the esclastor down! And no, neither one of us got hurt. Hahas. So we said our goodbyes and we went our own way.

There! I'm really sorry if it sounds rushed but my headache is KILLING me! So I am off to bed. Take care of yourself. Thanks for stopping by to read! (: and as the silent funny guy said once, before he died of course, nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles. And if you haven't guessed who this silent funny guy is, it's Charlie Chaplin. Which reminds me, I want to get a set of tapes which has his shows. Something to entertain me and make me laugh when I'm down or bored (: Put it on my wishlist, since Christmas IS around the corner. Hehes. Ok, I'm off now! See you soon!

Amanda Loves You!