The hardest part is admitting that the chapter has ended.

So, I've decided to take a break from self studying because I can feel the sleepiness creeping upon me. The only way I've been able to hold it at bay is by walking around the house, drinking tea (I'm forgoing my one shot of Baileys today) and texting people. My sincere thanks to those who have kept me awake until now to at least be able to churn out one and a half sheets of ISORG notes on the Data Model. Blasted thing it is.

The hardest part of doing anything, especially things that mean so much to us is admitting that the chapter has ended. I don't think returning to school to see my teachers or to help out in the CCA shows that I'm still unable to let go of school because I think, I have yet been able to admit that, that part of my life has ended and I really should move on. I mean, how do you move on from the best four years of your life? Although I admit that at that point in time, it didn't feel like the best four years of my life but I really wouldn't re-do anything, given a second chance, I think. It has been 7 years since I last left the school so maybe, with time, I've come to accept that the chapter has ended and I need to move on, and stop holding on so tightly.

The other chapters I've had trouble letting go off would be my time working at various places. I mean, I think it has more to do with my reluctance and fear of attending another interviews that I wish I could turn back the clock and return to my previous places of work. Some places obviously more so than others (I'm just saying). Even now, I'm dreading the time when I have to leave where I am working now, simply because the pay would not be able to help with all the things I need to do in life. Maybe it's time to learn how to talk to people (interpersonal skills) and to keep in contact with them even after having left the same place for working and obviously losing a large chunk of what you used to have in common. I do hope to continue to keep in touch with the people I am working with now, they are a really nice bunch of people to talk with and of course, work with.

Finally, the final chapters of relationships that I never quite got to write finish. I don't fancy myself as someone who does things and then leaves them hanging for the rest of the time, although I admit, I do that sometimes. I think there are so many things, relationships that I don't feel like I've actually let go off. I could go on and on about the many relationships I still wonder about, up till this very day but that wouldn't do me any good. Sure, it's always the new guy that helped to take my mind of things, especially failed relationships. I kept my nose clean for about a year before, and I'm hoping to actually hit the one and a half year mark or at least two year mark this time around. I mean, there's really no rush and I don't think I have any possible candidates. However that is beside the point, the point is, I don't actually know what point I'm making. Maybe I just want to get over it and stop thinking about it. I mean, I can't begin to fathom how many times my mind drifts back and wonders about the numerous 'what if's. Some relationships I admit, were a mistake on my part while others, I really wish didn't have to end the way they did, or at all. So I suppose, unless I managed to build a time machine, there is no way I could go back and right some of the wrongs I did, or do something that I didn't have the courage to do.

So what was the point of this post? There is no point. I guess I just needed somewhere to rant and where better than my own blog where no one ever comes to visit? I need to go for lunch now, and then work this afternoon. I like it when work becomes my escape from reality, even if it's only for three hours. I like it being able to let my creativity flow especially when marking the compositions. I really do need to start writing again, and reading of course, after my exams unfortunately. Well, I should go before mummy comes barging in here again. Till next time, you know where to find me! <3