Good Afternoon.
This most has been long over due. I was suppose to do this on Good Friday, which was last Friday but I never did get around to it. So, here it is. It's not so much an intellectual topic so much as a revelation of some kind on my part. I cried when I was thinking about this, which was unfortunately during the Good Friday service we had. I doubt anyone noticed, because really, who notices Amanda during Mass? I'll stop stalling now, and go on with the topic.
Easter is something that comes every year for Christians. For converted Catholics, it comes every year after they are baptized. The true coming of Easter though, I can't say that it does come for everyone yearly. For me, unfortunately, it has been reduced to candles and chocolate eggs. But that was not what I was dwelling on that instigated this post. Every year, when Easter comes around, there are a specific set of services that take place. From Holy Thursday service with the washing of the feet to the almost midnight Easter Vigil service where we have the baptism of the new Catholics. The services are the same, the procedures are the same, almost everything is the same. The only think that have changed are the people. If i remember correctly, I started coming to this church when I was 15, confirmed at 17. Between those two years, could possibly be the best and worst times of my life in this Church. I'm almost 21 now, and between the 6 years that I've been in this Church, it has undergone a face transformation. Plastic Surgery if you want to call it that. I can't say I really miss the look of the old church as who living in Singapore doesn't appreciate an air conditioned service hall to a non air conditioned service hall? Actually, I don't really miss much of the old church aside from the easy access to the rooftop which was most times my own hideaway, and the chairs by the grotto. This brings me back to a long ago memory of my own simplistic view on how life could be handled.
As long as I had them, this 5 friends, standing by me and being with me, there isn't anything too difficult for me to handle, especially life.
You might be wondering where I plucked out the number 5 from, or if I just randomly chose a number from all the possible numbers in the history of numbers. It wasn't a random choice. Remember the grotto I mentioned earlier? There used to be two stone chairs there. They were made of stone and of a very old fashion which could not be found anyway today, not to my knowledge anyway. The chair was fashioned so that when you sat down, your ass would slide to the back of the chair and your legs be hanging over the edge of the seat, as if you were sitting on an upwards ramp. I suppose it would've been good for children because then they would have a less chance of falling out and accidently breaking open their skull. So, the chairs could comfortably sit 3 people on each, which in total would be 6 people. Hence the number 5 because I really couldn't go through life without myself could I? So, back then, for me anyway, just having those 5 people would've been enough for me to go through life and everything it threw at me. I don't think I have ever entirely filled up those 5 spots before. It was always only 4 or maybe even 3. Now, you might be saying, it's not hard to fill up 5 spots with people who'll go through life with you if you've got a wide pool of people to choose from. If you knew me, you would know I don't have a wide pool of people to choose from hence I did have some difficultly. Still, you would need to carefully select, because when you've chosen those five people, you would have to do all in your power to be loyal to them and to be someone who they can turn to if they ever need help. Of course this is only my point of view, I'm not particularly sure how everyone else treats their friends, but I like to actually be there for my friends and to be loyal to them. Being loyal to a fault really isn't an actual fault, in my book anyway. Back to the topic at hand, it was upsetting to realize that you had lost the very people you thought you could've count on for life in whatever situation you may face. It's even more upsetting realizing that there are some people who you would give almost anything for to be your friend. Not for status, not for fame, not for anything but your own selfish happiness you gain when you're with them. If you've known me long enough, you might have an idea of who I'm referring to. I can say that I would be happy if he came back into my life, even as a friend and yet, at times I am undecided. Aren't the friends you make a reflection of your personality? Or your character? There is also someone else I want back, and am still undecided about it. Simply because I don't wish to force my friendship on someone who clearly doesn't want or care for my friendship. It's one thing to be brushed off from a stranger, it's another entirely different thing to be brushed off from a friend you've known for almost 5 years and the fact that you've considered her one of your best friends. But winding my way back to the topic at hand, I'm wondering if I should adpot my 5 friends approach to life again. It may seem to be childish and too simplistic for someone whose been through life for almost 21 years, but if you hadn't noticed, that's pretty much who I aspire to be. Someone whose childlike and simple. Well, I've only got one place left if I'm adopting my 5 friends approach again. You should know whose in the first, second and third. My last place should be left for the man whose going to make me a very happy girl one day because, that's what I want him to be. My best friend, my lover and my husband. Well, of course the father of my children but let's not scare away the potential boys. So, one spot left. Whose the lucky one? Or the one whose cursed with my friendship for eternity.
I should be rushing off to work now. I don't particularly feel upset after this post because I suppose, I've almost come to terms with myself. One always needs to understand one's self to actually get through life in one piece. Till my next post, which should be soon (or as I always say) take care and thank you for reading!
Amanda Loves You [:
