It's been almost two months since I've visited this blog. I doubt anyone has been visiting this blog anyway. Hahas! Nevertheless, I'm here cause there are somethings that just cannot be covered up or hidden anymore. Well, for one, Christmas is around the corner, again. It seems like such a joyous event. Even "The Nightmare Before Christmas" wasn't as melodramatic as I am feeling now. Well, I'm actually sure that all movies revolving around Christmas is never as slow or as upsetting as I am now being. No, I'm not upset that I'm alone this Christmas. I was alone last Christmas too remember? Johnny all the way in Iraq, doing God knows what. But I was happier then, still. I think it was the absence of what's happening this Christmas. The Family Gathering. Even saying it is reining in the clouds around my head. Lighting, thunder, anything that makes me shudder in fright of the unknown. I still remember being happy, a few weeks ago, with the announcement of the celebration. Well, that was when I invited my friends. Now, they can't make it. I know I shouldn't have hoped since, not everyone is like me, who dread Christmas with their family. Hahas. So what am I doing here? I'm trying to cheer myself up, can't you tell?
There's a Christmas Dinner at Sharon's place on Saturday. Yes, Sharon is back and so is Erika. It feels better somehow. At least not all my friends are overseas huh? Not that I'm more inclined to call them now with this depression quickly pulling me under. Well, you should know I'm still trying otherwise I wouldn't be here now would I? I'm not sure if I want to go yet. When she first messaged me, my first thought was YES, Definitely! And now, I'm just like. "I really don't want to screw up another person's Christmas" Amanda's mind is a very curious and weird place, I know! So what should I do? Go for the dinner or stay at home and try to get some homework done? I wish there was an easier route, but there never is, is there?
I'm hooked on Twilight. No, it's not because of the actors, the books are actually pretty amazing. Well, I've only got the first two books. I'm debating if I should get "Breaking Dawn" at MPH first because both Borders and MPH do not have "Eclipse" I know that there is nothing on earth that could stop me from reading "Breaking Dawn" first before I've even touched "Eclipse" and so, I think I'll not present the temptation to myself. I have already read "New Moon" twice. Just finished my second time last night. I tried reading one chapter by one chapter to make the reading longer. First night, I finished till chapter 4. And then, well, I finished the rest of the book by the second night. Hahas! It's terrible, I know. I haven't even started studying yet. But I will, I swear I will. I need to. So, I'm so wind up about getting the next two books. At first I thought I was going to get all four and the excitement was just making me feel all funny inside. Yes, I haven't really felt excited in a long time. But then they only had two books and that wave of excitement came crashing down and it felt something akin to disappointment. I don't even want to begin to describe what disappointment means when the books were not yet in yesterday at Borders. I swear I could almost feel like crying, and even collecting my yearly honey baked ham wasn't enough to make me smile, fully. It seems very much like an addiction right? Well, frankly speaking, I'm hoping to satisfy it before school starts. Because I really need to start concentrating. Economics is getting more complicated, as is PBF. POA is just going way off course at the moment and Stats is, keeping me sane, surprisingly. I haven't been writing no, the last story I started, it's still in the computer. I haven't had the time or the willpower to sit down and write when I could've been reading. Well, I might probably read twilight again tonight.
I should be off. Mother's coming home with lunch and I need to get that smile back on. Everything feels so dead around me. Sometimes I wonder if I actually do have the ability to suck the life out of anything. Or the fun, out of anything. I hate feeling like this, but it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I hope there's something that could make me smile, sincerely. Till the next time I decide to pop back, I promise I'll be back soon, take care and God bless.
Amanda Does Love You Immensely [:
