Being woken up at 430am

I stopped writing again. It takes so much effort to be angry all the time and I just can't stop being upset at numerous things my grandparents insist on doing and it keeps messing me up. It's easier when mum's not at home and I simply ignore them. I'm perfectly okay to do chores around the house or even preparing their medicine every night. It's only when we need to interact with them or actually deal with them that pushes me to the edge. And most of the time, I'm not even at the edge. I'm over the edge, trying desperately to cling on to my sanity so I don't do anything stupid.

The virus situation has been getting worse. And the worst part is, my grandfather obviously doesn't give a fuck about not going out (and don't even fucking talk about being hygenic if he can walk around with actual shit in his pants) and I'm so torn about how to actually be fucking socially responsible because will anyone except the excuse that I need to work from home because I don't know where the fuck my grandfather goes out when he goes out every day? Obviously this is because after the debacle of having my grand aunt call and say "don't stop your daddy from going out" and to that, I say "yeah, don't be an idiot because if he gets the fucking virus, the only people who suffer is my grandparents and mum and me plus potentially all the people mum sees while working and I also hold a 9 to 5 job where I work with other people, thank you very much. Because you idiots don't even see him on a weekly basis" (that's obviously a very censored version because fuck, why can't I actually be rude to them in person. How happy would I be if I offended their sensibilities and they refuse to talk to me for the rest of their lives.)

Unfortunately the only thing is we can wait for the situation to escalate when I can be home every day and basically become a jail warden and stop my grandfather from going out. 

And we should probably be going for classes on how to deal with fucking dementia patients because both my grandparents are somewhere on the road accordingly to actual doctors who have seen them. So fuck you to my relatives who insist it is simply just them getting old because obviously we who live with them for 15 over years don't know them better than you who see them on a weekly / twice weekly basis. But really, the only thing I need to learn is how not to be angry at my grandparents for the stupid shit they do everyday because they are old and obviously no longer understand the concept of how to be a decent human being. 

It's 538am in the morning. I'm going to be super early for work and probably sleepy by about 3ish. And I can't even complain cause mum's got it worse and she drives a taxi for a living. At least if I fall asleep in the job, no one (myself included) is going to die. Sigh, all I can really do now is pray that my mum is kept safe because, my salary can barely manage to feed a household of 4 and obviously my grandparents do not have 4 other children to help with the burden of caring for them.

Stay safe & be socially responsible.